Wish I could read her mind (9) >>>>

[The Wifey]

Wifey
It has been so long since we posted to each other....I knew you were back after not being on for so long.

Thanks for stopping in and for the hug...needed one..really.

I have not thrown in the towel, and I am trying hard not to judge her for what has happened, but you know how hard that is.

It's fresh..it's raw.

My buddy told me yesterday..."You're not going to die without her, and you're not going to die if you stay with her. Relax and get your thoughts together".

I get the pain. I wish I could take it all away for you. Think of the people here on this board that started their journeys knowing full well there was an OP.

My gut says to me that if this is anything it is an EA not a PA.

Can you get past it? That is your decision to make. But I know that it is so hard.

I had suspicions last summer that my H may have had a fling. Never even talked about it on this board, because it wasn't long after that the ED reared its ugly head and he was so down on himself.

Simply put, there were condoms missing from the nightstand. Then he went on a script for the ED and there were a couple pills missing. Then the script didn't work at all and he pulled a turtle and you would think his "buddy" shriveled up and fell off. Hasn't even gone back to the doctor in 10 months.

I thought all of that was a deal breaker for me. I thought when we started out it would be if I ever suspected. I had some shaky days, but I couldn't give up.

Even now, at the one-year point, without any intimacy since last July, I am quite certain that I can dig deep because I can't imagine life without him. Even if it comes to the point of D, I don't think it will be the end.

Like I said, it is your choice. Maybe its time to not be complacent. Maybe it is time to declare for yourself what you want. You're tired, I know. It hurts, I know. Feels like a sucker punch to the gut. Are you read to move on, give up, quit, throw in the towel, or strap on the brass ones? ; ) -At least you have ones that work!

I have a hunch here, but I am not going to steel your thunder. I'm here any time you need me.