Why do you think it could cause things to escalate if I were to avoid contact over the next few days while she is away?
I think avoiding her may make her more defensive making communicating at all more difficult. You may get more out of her, more of her truth, when she gets home if she feels like you're still willing to listen. Not talking to her gives her the impression that you don't want to hear about ANYTHING from her.
When you asked her about OM, remember you were on the phone and both of you knew you wouldn't be in each other presence for a few more days. Getting into a difficult discussion long distance is very hard. This is better handled in person.
Do not compare your R with this shiny, new friend. There is some kind of 'connection' there that is unclear right now and she feels she needs. It would be best to clarify this in person, not over the phone. So for you the word is patience.
Why would you want to have contact with her? Because she's your W and if you didn't care, you wouldn't be angry about this. Keeping the lines of communication open now will make her homecoming more comfortable for you both. If you ignore her now, she will feel you've already made up your mind about the situation and when discussions do happen, they could be heated. I'm not saying you couldn't limit your contact, but still be open to communicating.
Let me ask you, what will avoiding contact with her do for you? What will this do for you when she comes home?
