WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 10

[confusedinpa]

Argh!!! This is really killing me. She called me again tonite to complain more of how the kids are behaving. I let her go on and responded with my supportive/empathetic comments.

Then she asked if they behaved this way when they were with me. I told them that they behave the same as they did before she moved out so I would say she would be the best judge of that.

She said that she thinks it's worse when they are with her than the way they were before she left. She said that she was getting really frustrated about that.

I told her that it's a really tough situation and they are dealing with a lot of things now as well.

She then said that she doesn't see how that's it as she would expect that they would be that way all the time (ARGH!!! - she still can't see that they are that way because they see she is the one who left so she may be the one to blame).

She excused it then by saying how even before she left, and I was away on one of my trips, they would act up like this, but in just smaller doses. She said when it happened back then, she would always ask them if they would do this if daddy was home. She said they would always say no.

I told her that I'm not in any position to pyschoanalyze them, but I must imagine that they are going through a lot of emotions now, not just the situation, but just by growing up, so this is a tough time already without all the issues that they have to deal with because of our situation.

I started getting tired of hearing it so I just said as kindly and gently as I can, that it was getting late and she sounded tired so have a good nite. She said you too and she would talk to me later.

I still can't believe she doesn't see how our situation is affecting the kids and can't acknowledge she has any ownership in it. I've seen my past ownership to bringing us to this point. I'm still working on forgiving myself for that. But all the hurt that the kids experience since she moved out is on her.

This is ABSOLUTELY ridiculous.

I'm trying to be a friend, but how can I be friends with someone so BLIND!!! ARGH!!!!