It really depends on your situation. I've found that exposure or the threat of exposure is sometimes the only way an affair will end. Even then it doesn't end quickly.
First and foremost take stock of yourself, your contribution to the marital breakdown, and do not accept blame but rather understand how you can improve yourself. Don't fall apart, and work to rebuild respect.
Ultimately if you work on yourself you win regardless of what happens.
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
