I can see the instant gratification stuff which drives me crazy since I have had to deal with a lot in my lifetime. I can see how he wants things to instantly be ok and forget the past happened - I want to do the same but I am trying to stay focused on the fact that it hasn't been that long. H pushes to make decisions and I feel like the horrible parent who punishes him because he was bad. I don't like feeling this way - I am just trying to be smart for both of us. I also feel like the martyred wife when I put the brakes on things and like I am putting a guilt trip on him when I am not!
Your second post came while I was posting this one. I am not sure how I will handle a slip. I have been through this with him before - handled his slips because I know it is part of changing process - but it isn't scarry as much as my being tired of hard in life - I am easier! Any advice to help me deal with a slip given my attitude?
I just want him to be ok and for us to be ok. Time I have plenty of right now. He acts like there is no tommorrow. I guess that I know he is hurting and I wish he wasn't and could allow himself to enjoy what we have instead of looking past us to the future - like he is wishing today away. Did that make sense?
I want to call him and make it better but at the same time I am tempted to walk away so I don't have to deal with this c*** anymore. I think he handled things better than usual but it bothers me that he still is so insensitive to my feelings about certain things.
Volleydog thanks for the encouragement - H keeps repeating that others tell him he will get better in time. I want to hang in there - but I find it hard at times like this.
