I apologize for getting side-tracked and not getting back with you. I'm bad to do that! Anyway, have done enough scanning of your thread to see that your W may be to the point of starting a "friendship" and I think if she still has no OM in her life.......IT IS GREAT!! So many young women get distracted by careers or other R's with people they don't need to be involved with, but if your W is not involved with another man after this length of time, then I would say to at least make an effort to be friends with her. I did not read all this thread but you said something that made me think perhaps she still like to go out an maybe party?? I think I know how that could drive you crazy if you thought much on the subject, so it is best not to do that.....if in fact, she is doing that. As you have heard it said many times here on the board.....you cannot control what she does......as long as she is not breaking the law or abusing your son.
I smiled when I read that she likes to get with you to "gossip" and you said something about one of her "girlfriends".......well, maybe that is a beginning at any rate. (lol) Seriously, let me ask you something. When she is gossiping about other women, does she make negative comments about them? A lot of times, this is a sign of insecurity in the woman who is doing the talking (in this case....your W). So, if she does do that......I'm thinking that it would be a perfect opportunity for you to inject something about how well your wife does.....(whatever)......or how great she looked at a particular time (be specific). Women love details, so don't say....."You always look great" b/c she wants to hear "when" she looked wonderful at what event and how was she looking (lol). So, it pays to be very alert and take mental notes, yes? I believe that if you start out a little slowly with these compliments (instead of flooding her all at once) that she will not get suspicious of your reason behind doing it. You don't want to push her away, but instead, you want to build up her self-esteem. Do you know that women want to be around the person that makes them feel really great about themselves? The better she feels about herself when she is with you.....the more she will want to be with you! But, don't be too general with your compliments or comments. Like I said, be able to give details or she will brush you off and see you as pursuing instead of giving her ego food.
You asked me over on my thread if I thought what I told Stuck would fit your stitch as well. I certainly do. Even if I lost track with you.....I believe I remember telling you that if she ever cooled down from being so angry that maybe the two of you could become friends and that would be a step in the right direction. So, yes, I do believe it is worth the effort and especially the "waiting" b/c it will take another round of a different type of patient for you while walking through a friendship R.
As I told Stuck, you must not.....CANNOT.....think of yourself as her HUSBAND. It will ruin everything if you allow your mind to wander there. You know what will happen to yourself if you do and she certainly is not ready for it. It will be like trying to win the confidence of a wild animal. May not be a very "sweet" termonology, but if you ever tried to get a wild animal to go to you to eat out of your hand.....then you can realize what you are up against. It may not be quite the comparrison, but close. If you push toward her, or hurry the process, she will run scared. Just like a wild animal, you can't force the issue and must allow her to come to you in her own time. Tiny, baby steps and earning her trust will eventually win her confidence in you to not break her heart and to go to you as a woman........then, hopefully as a wife. First, you have to win her friendship and if she like to gossip with you.....then you almost have it made.... When together, have lots and lots of pure fun. No dramatics......but lots of laughter and silliness (if she likes to be silly....if not, then don't). I know of nothing better for a R than pure old fashion FUN.
You were wondering about asking her out for dinner on her birthday/Father's Day. My suggestion is to think of something that is much, much less formal and risking a chance of tension. Why not a picnic, instead? A dinner or even lunch may be a bit too much to start with. Do you understand what I mean? Always keep the mood light-hearted and fun......unless, of course she is upset about something, then that is the time to listen and validate.
Does she like surpises? If so, let me know and I'll put on my "thinking cap" and we'll come up with something fun to do. Now, you were concerned about how you were going to work on this friendship when you only saw her for about 5 minutes at a time. First of all......you know you MUST look extremly HOT every time she sees you for those 5 minutes....right? Okay. (Or is is "cool" instead of hot....oh well.....just look great and not tooooo much of a "threat" to her right now. Do you know what I mean by a threat? You want to look sexy, right? However, if she is afraid to trust her own heart/feelings where you are concerned......well, don't make the girl faint the first time.....that's all I'm saying!
Seriously, the sexiness is part of those baby-steps you take. Sure you want to "look" sexy and you want to act a bit out of "reach" for her (play a bit hard to get) and always flash her a sexy smile and maybe work up to the point you can even throw in a wink. OMG.......to me, that is the sexiest, most flirtatious thing there is........for a man to give a woman a wink of the eye.
Women notice how a man smells. That is very important. Do you remember her saying if she perferred a particular type of cologne on you? If so......wear it every time you know you will be in ten miles of her....lol. Just don't wear so much she can smell you for ten miles! The best thing that most women like is the smell of pure male cleanliness. Doesn't matter if you are the "rugged" type or the college prep.......I think the majority of females just love that clean male scent. Do you wear the syle of clothes she likes to see on you? Don't forget, that is important to females. Are you wearing your hair in the cut she likes best? Are you working on breaking any personal bad habits that she use to complain about? This might sound silly to some guys, but to most every woman I have know.....these things I've talked about was very important and could make or break a R.
Women watch the way guys stand and walk and basically move around. What you would not even consider as being sexy or masculine.....is the very thing that could touch her heart and remind her of how she truly feels about you. The way you speak words......oh wow! A man's voice does things to a female....... He can make butterflies in her tummy or make her so mad she could bite nails.......depending on his tone of voice. At first, you may want to rely on emails to communicate so there will be no pressure on her....but hopefully, you can move on to phone calls so she can hear your voice. That is an important element.
I don't tell you all these things to put more pressure on you! I tell you these things about women so you may see what affects her and how you have these things "working" for you, okay? Don't get self-conscious about how you stand, walk, or talk......try to be natural, but just the best that you can be. That is what we are always telling people here on the board, isn't it?
Kev, I used to think the two of you would have a good chance at rebuilding a life together and I still do. It took time for her to just now get to this place where she is barely allowing you a bit of her time. So, can you be strong and patient enough to give her more time and take things slowly? I think you can.
I will check back with you, and let me know what you decide about the birthday dinner. If you still want to do that.....I would strongly suggest a very "family friendly" place to eat so it will not seem formal and therefore put any stress on either of you.
Take care, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
When together, have lots and lots of pure fun. No dramatics......but lots of laughter and silliness (if she likes to be silly....if not, then don't). I know of nothing better for a R than pure old fashion FUN. 
He can make butterflies in her tummy or make her so mad she could bite nails.......depending on his tone of voice. At first, you may want to rely on emails to communicate so there will be no pressure on her....but hopefully, you can move on to phone calls so she can hear your voice. That is an important element. 
