I've been wondering if all of this philosophizing is just wheel spinning and crazy making. But, today has been much better! I think for now and maybe for a long time, I have to really be conscious of which parts of me I am motivated by. That is just what it will take for a new more functional me to become second nature. It is hard to be so self-conscious and mindful but I just don't see any other way. It is too easy, too alluring and really too fun in a way to just let it all hang out, purge, go off half-cocked but, the aftermath is miserable. I pride myself on having no skeletons, being an open book, but that is just so unnerving for some people. And, yes, since I want to come from a place of considering other people's feelings and experiences, I can adapt and show a little restraint. Funny, there are so many ways to look at it. It is always fun and exciting to watch those who just go off and let it all hang out but they also tend to be alienating and lonely people.
I don't know, just watching myself and my interactions and seeing what results I get. I know that I want to be softer and receive that in return. I want peace. So, I need to give that.
