I just got back from seeing a counselor. Sort of a friend of a friend and it was free so I took the opportunity.
This is me, she hasn't changed a bit. Still the same ole, same ole mlc'er. I have changed a bit lately. Ian, I think the term skewed is correct. I realized that by trying to move forward, I am avoiding dealing with her in the right way or anyway for that matter.
I have not been clearly stating my boundaries about the constant pressure in regards to the house or anything else.
In trying to focus on me and move forward, I have been bottling things up and avoiding her, instead of just saying what I need to say and staying calm and confident.
For whatever reason I have slipped into the mindset of not wanting to just simply tell her like it is and leave it at that. If she oversteps anything deal with it when it happens, but don't keep it inside.
I think part of the reason why, is that I just dread dealing with the insanity. I love just being at peace, but I was going about trying to stay at peace in the wrong way and it started to eat me up. Also I know her well enough to know that she will test that boundary and me. I was avoiding that too, with the mindset of, well it will just make things worse.
Wrong way to go about it. Things got worse because I didn't open my mouth calmly and say what I needed to say. I kept it in instead for as long as I could and it started coming out here.
Yes, the boundaries?....well, I do need to (like you said Ian) reminder her of the court order in a calm, nonprickish way and if she pulls the normal tricks, don't fall for them. Don't give her that power over me. I also need to let her know AGAIN and possibly AGAIN that things are going to take time with the house. I have to enforce these boundaries better too and that doesn't mean I need to get all agro on her. I just need to keep my fly swatter in hand.
I haven't been handling her or most importantly myself like I should be so....here I go again.
