"I want her/him to accept me as I am" and in the next breath say "I'm going to work on being the best LBS Me that I can be"
Koan, Catch 22, Paradox, whatever you want to call it.
If you want to get more into what is the "self" (real, perceived, or nothing at all?) may I suggest "Thoughts Without A Thinker: Psychotherapy From A Buddhist Perspective" by Mark Epstein. Foreward by the Dalai Lama. (Not the easiest read nor is it a "Buddhism for Dummies".)
That aside.
I recognize my past "self" was broken: depressed, uninspired, dependent. I am reviving the qualities she admired in me and I admired in myself. Nonetheless I realize we are always in a process of change. We never get "there" so we have to accept and do the best with what we have "here" right now. If I work to make my "here" the very best then that IS my self at the moment.
Her "self" is not the same that I admired: distant, uninspired, unemotional. I can't do anything about it but she is starting to react to me more positively. Once again a "here" vs "there" thing. That is her "self" in the moment.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
