Thanks for the input BeingMe. You know what? I've been thinking the exact same thing. My W considers herself single now, no question about that. She has very strong feelings for OM, but she's realistic that their future is a long shot. She apparently enjoys my company, and misses my friendship, but is in no way ready right now to move our R forward. During our dinner, she briefly mentioned the reality of us "dating" other people, and she wasn't referring to OM.
During our dinner, my W expressed to me that she has transformed into the person she was always meant to be. She said she is healed from wounds that go all the way back to her childhood. I have to say, she is very different. She has a softness and vulnerability to her I always longed for in our M. She wasn't angry at me anymore. She said we were both "damaged goods" when we met, which is exactly right. She is very excited about her new self, and I can tell she wants to experience life from its perspective, and I think that includes seeing how men react to her.
I made it VERY CLEAR I was interested in her as a woman, left no doubt about that! The fact that she would invite me out the very next night is interesting. I think I make her feel desired now, which is one big way I failed during our M. Also, I think she finds me attractive again, six months ago she said in no uncertain terms that was gone in her. I also know she respects me more now than in many years. So I guess I'm making progress. I need to just accept this is going to be a long journey, and as stillloveshim says, just keep watching and waiting. I think for my own mental health, I need to see this as just one possible option for my future, and not hold back regarding other options too, as in dating other women. I think that's the only way I will be able to meet her "eye to eye" as this progesses.
Perhaps I do have some advantages over the other guys, but I also carry a LOT of baggage in. She will see other options as new and exciting for a while, until she finds out the grass isn't so green in her situation (40+ years old with 3 little kids).
I really need to get to the place where I'm confident and secure in myself regardless of what happens. I'm coming to the realization that's the key to this whole thing, no matter which way it goes. Can I hear a resounding "Duh!"?
As a small side note, I met her briefly at the grocery store this evening so she could say hi to the kids, as she agreed to let me keep them longer than usual due to my parents being here. She didn't say hi to me, and she would barely look me in the eye. There's the pullback I've been expecting!
