Thanks for responding. Actually I help around the house quite a bit (cleaning, washing dishes, changing kids diapers, washing cars, etc.). I think her LL is more Words of Affirmation. I think she got it from her boss who might have built up her self-esteem. I've been inserting compliments here and there and trying to not have them seem fake.
"I would lovingly challenge your W on some of her comments. She says she wants to be left alone. You - I feel a little confused by that because you seemed to really enjoy our time together like the other night at the dinner table. Help me understand why you feel that way?"
I tried a variation of this to try and understand her POV, but she just told me that she didn't mean anything by it and she wants a D. That seems to be her canned answer if I get "too deep".
As a whole, my W doesn't share her emotions and feelings. When we were first dating, I would notice she would be quiet and ask her what was wrong. She would just say "nothing", then tell me 3 days later, "you know when I was quiet 3 days ago? well it was because..." And it might not have even been about me. Sometimes I wouldn't even remember what she was talking about because it was such a long lag.
So what I've recently learned is that when she tells me something, no matter how small, it's important to her. Many of the WAWs on here talk about how they kept telling their Hs about what was wrong and they couldn't get the hint. Well my W says things once, sometimes even in casual conversations and expects me to "understand". I think for the majority of our R I've been mindreading her. Believe me, from day one I've always asked her if something was wrong, or how was her day, etc. just to get her to open up. She would just say "my day was okay" or "nothing's wrong". Even though obviously there is.
I consider myself pretty open and very easy to talk to. I'm even the shoulder all of my friends come to for advice or just to have someone to listen to them. The only person who has never come to me for that is my W.
Personally, I think she's looking for a "father figure". Someone who just takes care of her like a child. Not really caring about her "feelings", but someone who she "feels" safe with, but personally and financially. I always felt I was more of a "father figure" to her and sometimes would mention it to her. She would just dismiss it. Then along comes her boss, who seems to have it all together, is successful, older, more mature, and a bit of a flirt, etc. Everything she believes she wants in a man that I had "outlived".
What do you think?
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
