Lucky- there is also identifying the changes we want to make for ourselves which often or sometimes coincide with the areas we were deficient in R. So, in order to build the muscles to really be the new and improved AK, I have to fake it a little. I have to work it in order for it to become natural. In my case, for example, not being so reactive and defensive. Finding a way to be outspoken not alienating etc. I guess these are behaviors rather than my core but changing these behaviors will soften my core and change me.
But, I think it is the fear and the attention being put on the S that actually diverts us from being able to authentically make those changes. I mean they know we are x, how are we going to pull off y? Maybe that is part of why the WAS walks away too. They want to change, cultivate, perhaps reinvent themselves. How can they do that in our presence when we "know" who they really are? So, this space that has been put between us can serve to make room for us to grow as we want to for ourselves and then perhaps rediscover each other in the future (or as we go along in the process of separating, divorcing or reconciling).
