GETTING UN'STUCK'

[MrBond]

That same Sunday of the show, she told me about a writing job in California that I should apply for. At first I was shocked that she even mentioned it, because it would require me to move out of state for a year. And given out sitch, I wasn't sure if she meant it as a chance for her to fool around on me more.

I don't know if she still considers herself separated and "available" just because she doesn't have her ring on and she has never told me why she's back in the house, but I thought it was extremely rude and insensitive for her to even suggest such a move.

It got to me so much that along with her ice-cold reaction to the dinner and show Saturday night, I felt this really strong anger building up in me. On my way in to work today, I left a message on her work answering machine about it. I just felt I couldn't stand to be disrespected anymore. I told her that I was no one's "second pick" and that before she dared me asking if I didn't think she could find someone else. I told her that I had no doubt she could find someone else, but that she would never find someone who would stay by her side after she cheated on them, never apologized, treated them with no respect and like dirt, etc.

I told her that I was here for one thing and one thing only. Because I was her H and that's what H's do. But that I would not continue to take her talking down to me. I told her that she was not like that before and that I thought she might be suffering from depression and need help. I also told her that she really should think about how she's treating me and if she wanted to lose the last and only friend she has left.

I know, my bad. I think the pent up frustration just really got to me.

Since then, on Monday night everything was fine and happy, then on Tuesday night, I noticed that she once again started to withdraw and that she had put our girls to bed without saying "goodnight" to me which is what she normally does. That wouldn't have bothered me, but I then started thinking back that she hadn't done it in awhile which I thought was rude. So I told her the following morning that she was acting rude in doing so and that evening she was all fine like nothing was wrong again.

Well, get this. For some reason I felt the urge to google her OM's name on Wednesday. Lo and behold, evidently someone else who works with them asked for a background check on this guy to see if he was really a Navy Seal. Turns out he wasn't. What a fraud! A couple of months ago she accused me of doing something online to ruin this guy's rep which I didn't do. So I told her about it that night so that she wouldn't start accusing me of more stuff and that I was worried about what kind of psycho she works with and fell in love with. She thanked me and went to bed.

I followed her in and told her how she was acting very short tempered and talking down to me, which she said she didn't know she was doing. So then it spun into a R talk and her saying that she didn't want to be M anymore. I asked her why again and she said she just didn't love me. I asked her again how did she get to that point and she said she just didn't love me. Then I brought up how after our first daughter was born she told me that she could see herself as a single mom. I told her at that time we should have realized there was something wrong, but she said that that is when she should have left. AT that time I asked her why she said that and she told me she didn't know.

I don't know where she gets this running away issue. Where when there's a problem she just leaves. I asked her about the ring and she told me that she doesn't wear it because she doesn't consider us married. WTF? She's home, carrying on like nothing is wrong and doesn't consider us M? She also said she could see herself living like roommates without sex. I told her she's gotta be kidding and that she hasn't thought of me in the slightest. She said she just wants to be independent and live on her own.

I told her that it was impossible since she had the girls and besides, she always had the option to do whatever she wanted to do, buy whatever she wanted, etc. Plus she's living in the house she wanted and purchased together with me. Everything she has been doing was her being "independent". She doesn't even share her thoughts with me anyway. She then said that she did not want me to fulfill her needs and wants, etc. Funny when I didn't even know what those were.

I then told her how her mood swings have been affecting our Ds. How she's much shorter to them and scolds them much more than she ever had. Like the other night, my 6 y.o. daughter had accidentally gotten a few sugar crystals on my W's sleeve and my W's face just dropped and got angry and when my D apologized, my W wouldn't even acknowledge which made my D feel terrible.

So after that wonderful conversation, I decided to really start working on myself. So over the weekend, I went to church and started working out. I was cordial and nice to my W and we spent all weekend together with the girls. Then Monday rolls around and she's back to her distant self.

I know I get a 2x4 for that last conversation. It must be the sexual frustration! : )

I just don't understand how anyone can be so detached living under the same roof and not want to work on anything and stay miserable. I did tell her that I thought she was going through a MLC and that if she wanted to make the most of it, she should build on what she had and not tear down everything. And that if she did so then she wouldn't have a house, our kids wouldn't be able to go to private school, etc. I was on a roll.

Anyone with any ideas? Do you think she's hanging around because she's confused, or do you think she's of the mindset to live like roommates or leave? When I'm around her, should I act as if we are still a M couple? Or give her space like a roommate? She's signed us up for a couple of outings as a family and I get the feeling that if I asked her out to lunch alone, she'd accept.

Even though I brought up the issue of her depression, I don't think she's going to do anything about it. Oh one thing I did say to her Sunday night before she went to bed, is that if we hadn't gotten married like she keeps saying was a mistake, we wouldn't have had our oldest D. And if she had left when she made the single parent remark, we wouldn't have had our beautiful second D. She seemed to have thought about that for a bit.

Then yesterday, I met my W and our Ds at the dentist for the girls' appointment. While we were waiting for them in the waiting room, we were just reading magazines when I saw something interesting, I'd point it out to her. She'd make a comment about it and then go back to not saying anything.

While we were sitting there, I couldn't help but keep glancing at her and wondering what she was thinking. She was just sitting there not saying a word. Based on what you asked about how I would treat a friend, I would actually have had a conversation with them. Kind of hard when it's one sided though. So I just left things quiet.

Before we used to call each other at work to see how the other was doing and she's stopped that. I've been doing it every now and then, but should I stop it as well? I don't want to seem needy to her.

When we left, she was polite and friendly, then left. It's odd how the LBS tend to put every action that the WAS does under a microscope.

Any thoughts are greatly appreciated and 2x4's. That's how I learn after all.