I can tell in your posts that you're really sorry for the things you did to your wife.
I understand that she is struggling with past hurts- but truly she's upset because once on a ski trip they ignored her? And she has carried that around for years??? WOW- that's kind of dramatic. Everyone's suffering is different though I guess. I can see how seeing her dad cheat on her mom could have affected her.
I actually have gotten help. I'm mildly bipolar type II- which is the lesser of the two- and I can pinpoint alot of my actions towards that. I take a very lose dose of mood stabilizer- and I know I always will have to- and I'm cool with that. For me it's like diabetes or some other kind of illness.
All of the work that you're doing on yourself right now will benefit you later on down the line. Whether or not you're with her or not. I know this- because as I mentioned in one of my earlier posts- my current husband was the betrayed spouse in his marriage. He went to counseling alone and worked on his issues and I'm so glad that he did- because he gets it- he really does. And I have reaped the rewards of him doing that.
Little things like looking your woman in the eye when she talks to you can go a long way.
