So, I have not updated too much lately. Not that there isn't much t tell, but I am not drawn to document my entire life here anymore, even though I am still here and posting to others every day.
DH pulled another disappearing act for Memorial Day weekend. He really ought to get the directions out of his car to the airport up in the state capital. I can see them through the window every time I walk past his car in the driveway. Well, suddenly, after that weekend, he decided we need a visitation agreement. He brought it up last Wednesday, then again on Friday. Also, last Friday, he suddenly wanted to know why I wanted to go on the dependents cruise last Saturday--the one he filled out the forms and paid for for me to go on almost two weeks ago.
Initially, I told him I would do a visitation and draft an agreement that I wanted signed and notarized. I told him one day a week and every other weekend was the state norm. He was bothered by it and FIL was even more so, telling me I needed to be "reasonable" and that we can decide anything we want. I told him that was true, but since DH walked out and does not want a family, I do not see how I need to be any more reasonable than the state would be. FIL insisted I had to separate our M issues from the kids and tht while we were at it, we needed a separation agreement since this has gone on so long. That would totally screw DH, as i would walk with over 75% of his pay after taxes and he would not be able to make his other bills, but that is not my problem andthis is what he wants anyway, right?
Well, after several days of tears, lots of praying, and too much thinking, I have decided that I will NOT draft a visitation agreement. I am at peace with a decision that i never thought I would make in this direction. I do not have a problem with the current arrangement and I do not see a reason to change it. IF DH wants something else, he needs to do it. This way, too, he can never tell the kids that I would not allow him to see them more--he will take full responsibility for his decisions. I will not give him the opportunity to push it off on me.
I plan and do what I want when I want. DH can make plans and check to make sure the kids and I do not have anything already planned. DH is welcome to join us on anything we are doing. Quite honestly, I think all of this stems from DH's inability to be duplicitous and telling the OW everything that is going on. Her head must be spinning at the thought of his spending all of this time her and that I am still heavily involved in his career. The A has been going on 18 months now and she is not seeing any changes other than him not sleeping at the house. Wonder how she would feel to know that almost all of his stuff is still here, too. I am fairly certain she is starting to push him on things and I am not going to make it easier for them. Let her see what it is like to live in anxiety all the time for a change, especially since she helped create this mess in the first place.
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
You are wonderfully, innocently and cunningly putting what DH wants on a silver platter. A true silver platter that will tarnish if he doesn't take action and polish it.
And the Anxiety will be his.
I love it. And you!
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
Well, after several days of tears, lots of praying, and too much thinking, I have decided that I will NOT draft a visitation agreement. I am at peace with a decision that i never thought I would make in this direction. I do not have a problem with the current arrangement and I do not see a reason to change it. IF DH wants something else, he needs to do it. This way, too, he can never tell the kids that I would not allow him to see them more--he will take full responsibility for his decisions. I will not give him the opportunity to push it off on me.
Pure genius! You are being the kind of friend I am trying to describe on my latest thread. You are firmly across the divide on the shores of love.
Psalm 40 I waited, waited for the LORD; who bent down and heard my cry, Drew me out of the pit of destruction, out of the mud of the swamp, Set my feet upon rock, steadied my steps, And put a new song in my mouth, a hymn to our God. Many shall look on in awe and they shall trust in the LORD.
Love the new song you are singing!!!! Cheers Coach
ps I would high five you right now if I could SMW!
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
In all honesty, no visitation agreement would be held in concrete anyway. Heck, a D agreement is only worth the paper it's printed on. It's just a matter of enforcement. How willing do you think your H would be to drag you to court over it? He sounds cowardly when it comes to facing up to the "true desires of his heart". Gee, if he was so set on his course you would think he would have already been pushing all the paperwork himself.
Goes to show you what his priority is.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
You are wonderfully, innocently and cunningly putting what DH wants on a silver platter. A true silver platter that will tarnish if he doesn't take action and polish it.
And the Anxiety will be his.
I love it. And you!
KellyJo--
No worries, God has a great big bottle of TarnX.
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
Well, after several days of tears, lots of praying, and too much thinking, I have decided that I will NOT draft a visitation agreement. I am at peace with a decision that i never thought I would make in this direction. I do not have a problem with the current arrangement and I do not see a reason to change it. IF DH wants something else, he needs to do it. This way, too, he can never tell the kids that I would not allow him to see them more--he will take full responsibility for his decisions. I will not give him the opportunity to push it off on me.
Pure genius! You are being the kind of friend I am trying to describe on my latest thread. You are firmly across the divide on the shores of love.
Psalm 40 I waited, waited for the LORD; who bent down and heard my cry, Drew me out of the pit of destruction, out of the mud of the swamp, Set my feet upon rock, steadied my steps, And put a new song in my mouth, a hymn to our God. Many shall look on in awe and they shall trust in the LORD.
Love the new song you are singing!!!! Cheers Coach
ps I would high five you right now if I could SMW!
Coach--
Well your post brought on a new round of tears. While I do feel like God led me to this decision, it is good to have friends who approve of it. Thanks for the high five!
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
In all honesty, no visitation agreement would be held in concrete anyway. Heck, a D agreement is only worth the paper it's printed on. It's just a matter of enforcement. How willing do you think your H would be to drag you to court over it? He sounds cowardly when it comes to facing up to the "true desires of his heart". Gee, if he was so set on his course you would think he would have already been pushing all the paperwork himself.
Goes to show you what his priority is.
Mish--
This is pretty much where I believe DH is. He still does not know exactly what he wants, just what the OW is telling him he wants. What he does know is that the woman he sees daily is not the woman he left in September when deployment began.
Yeah, I am in Family Law and Divorce Mediation this term for school and know that any agreement we make has about much weight as the piece of paper we write it on. DH is not willing to drag me into court and honestly for what?? I let him see the kids whenever he wants and do not see the need for an agreement. Any lawyer worth their salt would tell him to count his blessings that his wife is not vengeful!
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
I have a lot of reasons to believe H will want to stay legally married. I am not sure how long I could live like that or without some closure.
How do you really move on? Or is it just that you do not want to "move on" yet or that you see yourself as able to move on regardless?
I have tremendous respect for you and your choice. I'd like to understand the logistics a little better.
Is he responsible with money? Is he providing for you or do you make your own money? Are there any negative ramifications for you in staying married to him (financial vulnerability, credit etc)...
I know this is fresh for you so if you don't want to answer my probing questions, I understand.
Gee, if he was so set on his course you would think he would have already been pushing all the paperwork himself.