I just read this last thread- I didn't get to read the complete history because I don't have that kind of time right now.
Your post broke my heart because I can feel the kind of pain that your WAW is in.
Whether or not she's a perpetual victim or not like Sandi says I cannot say. I can only say I felt exactly the same way that she did.
I didn't read what her father or sister did but I can tell you I've been resentful and unforgiving in the past myself.
Was your wife an abuse survivor in any way? Mental, emotional etc?
I was abused in every way possible growing up. My mother was a narcassist so I was taught at an early age that everything was always about her. I learned to caretake to her and to think my needs were unimportant.
What I didn't see- until my pastor pointed it out to me- was that I had married a man the same way- selfish. He wasn't a narcassist but extremely selfish.
What I can say is that it took your marriage and wife a long time to get this way. To believe you would never change. Just changing for a short period of time is not going to prove it to her- it will take longer than that.
As I stated earlier I'm not completely familiar with DB. What I can say is that GAL or the 180 wouldn't have worked for me but yet neither would begging or pleading. In the end my ex did all kinds of things to try to "wake me up"- filing papers first and dragging me through the muck in the process- calling all my friends to tell them I was a whore etc.
I was too stubborn and set in my ways to see what I was doing. I wanted away from the pain- and fast.
The other posters are right- your wife needs help and you cannot make her get it.
I do think she wants to keep you around to meet her emotional needs- she doesn't want to meet yours- but she wants to keep you on the backburner to meet her needs in some way- which is why she is continuing to call you etc.
I didn't try to be friends with my ex because I felt it wouldn't be fair to him to try to "keep him on the string" so to speak because I had no intention of going back. I can tell you though that I did miss him because in ways he was my best friend- and I can see that she might feel that way and that it might be hard for her to let that go.
It's like she's jerking your chain to see you jump- and rush to meet her emotional needs- which is what she wants from you anyway. It's a game to her to push you and nudge you to see if you respond. Then she gets her fix.
Going dark wouldn't have worked with me either- because that would have played in to "He doesn't really love me".
What would have worked for me was apologizing sincerely for what he had done and ask for my forgiveness. What would have worked is him treating me with kindness other than anger and in my sitch I would have loved to have heard "It doesn't matter what you've done- come home and work on our marriage- I forgive you"
Then again, I had an affair so that part may not apply to you.
Is there any sign of infidelity? Because in what I've seen before women do not usually move out until they've got someone else lined up???
