I sort of feel like WCW and wonder why continue to post when I get so little interest. I am really unsure why certain posters get so much attention and others not so much.
NNP,
In my experience, you get more action when you:
- stick to one forum (or at least have your MAIN thread on one forum). I notice that you tend to switch a lot between several.
- post in some detail (but not SO long, or with no paragraph breaks, that would make your posts difficult to read). I notice most of your posts are very short, and that leaves little to comment upon.
- post consistently. I notice you tend to disappear for days and weeks at a time, and that causes your thread to fall down "below the fold" as they say in the newspaper business (p. 2, 3 or lower on an online forum).
- post to others. You're good at this.
Anyway, fwiw. I'm sorry to hear of your separation, but I pray that you will both be able to use the time apart to reflect and heal.
First off, congratulations! For 20 years of M, for sticking out past June 1 and now you get those much needed and deserved benefits, and for not wavering when H 'begs'.
Your growth and strength you have gathered is tremendous.
I do wonder about your declining. Did you flat out decline in as - there is no way we will ever be back together or was there an option left open if H figures himself out?
Also, is your separation legal and binding or just physical because he is being relocated?
How are the boys handling all this? And, what about bff/ow? will that be a factor when H relocates?
There! plenty of things for you to talk about. Glad I could help. lol
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
And in my opinion, I've had much more luck with the Newcomer's forum. Maybe its because it is where my friends are, where I'm followed. I tried the separated, but some people were way to quick to swing 2x4's rather than offer truly helpful advice.
Just my OPINION and experience from last fall. Not a slam on anyone currently in that forum.
And definitely, post to others. Offering support to other people helps you. And the people you post to then seek out your thread.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
ha ha I was hoping I could get you to come out and play!
Originally Posted By: WCW
First off, congratulations! For 20 years of M, for sticking out past June 1 and now you get those much needed and deserved benefits, and for not wavering when H 'begs'.
Thank you. Some days looking back I wish I would have filed the paperwork on the day I found out about the affair. But hindsight is 20/20. I have made plenty of mistakes, but for the most part I did the best I could with what I had.
Originally Posted By: WCW
Your growth and strength you have gathered is tremendous.
Thank you again, I do feel pretty good about the work I have done on and for myself.
Originally Posted By: WCW
I do wonder about your declining. Did you flat out decline in as - there is no way we will ever be back together or was there an option left open if H figures himself out?
H knows that I love him and what I really want is for our family to be intact. I was not harsh. I know from counseling that anything not dealt with WILL come back up and I am not willing to go through this again EVER. I know he is scared of the future without me, but I also think he was somewhat relieved that I did not accept. I have kind of always known that it would be up to me in the end to take the action if it came to that.
Originally Posted By: WCW
Also, is your separation legal and binding or just physical because he is being relocated?
H wants to stay married, but just be separated. That really does not work for me. I am taking a little trip next week and my plan is to decide what I want to do when I return. I am giving myself that time to think and decide.
Originally Posted By: WCW
How are the boys handling all this?
They are taking it hard, my oldest especially.
Originally Posted By: WCW
And, what about bff/ow? will that be a factor when H relocates?
I actually ran into bfh while I was out with friends last weekend. She was with another married man from where they work! She is nothing special, if it had not been her it would have been someone else. Maybe she and my H will end up together, either way she is totally not my concern.
Originally Posted By: WCW
There! plenty of things for you to talk about. Glad I could help. lol
I can always count on you!
Me 54 DS19 and DS17 Married 06/1989 Divorced 01/2011
What's wrong with 2x4s, and why is everyone looking at me???
Puppy all bark no bite. Puppy 2x4 like getting hit with pool noodle. You big softie!
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
