Interesting how discussions on one thread move to others, then spawn thoughts in a third...
All of the discussions about being comfortable with things being gray, rather than black and white, have really helped to crystallize my understanding of the personal challenge that I face. I've talked about this before here (excuse me if it get's boring, but I am just journaling openly as things occur to me)
While in many areas of my life I relish things being a bit risky and unplanned - I love business startups and trips without fixed destinations - I absolutely fear social gray zones.
By social gray zones I mean any area of social contact where the ground rules are not clear; any social interaction where it is not clear to me how I should act and what I should do, and how others will react to that.
Call it a long standing deep embedded need for control.
It may sound sad and strange, but I don't think that I am all that different in this than quite a few other people that I know.
To me, emotionally, a social situation without groundrules feels like standing in the middle of a mine field without any idea where the mines are. You are only safe if you do nothing and stay right where you are.
This is why the great chasm of limboland is so hard for me. If you are happily married, then things are clear. If you are D'd, then things are clear. But here in the middle....?
One step...Kaboom!!
This explains to me why I am not that afraid of getting D (it would bring certainty), but am afraid of no progress.
NDS just posted an update on his sitch that described perfectly my nightmare scenario: 14 months of limbo with some improvements but no committments from his W, followed by another discovery of an EA and another bomb.
14 months of tiptoeing in the minefield followed by "Kaboom!!"
So here is my (current) central growth opportunity: - Ignore the mines. They don't really exist anyway - Embrace the gray!
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
