WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 10

[confusedinpa]

You need to imagine why your W felt that you stopped loving her.

I don't have to imagine why my wife felt like I stopped loving her. I know what I've done in the past made her feel unloved/unlovable.

She had written the lyrics to "Buy Me a Rose" in card last year that really summed it up. She wrote the Kenny Rogers version, but the Luther Vandross version really summed it up: "He works hard to give her all he thinks she wants; But it tears her apart ‘cause nothing’s for her heart".

I ignored her, took her for granted, shut myself off from her emotionally, didn't spend time with her, made her feel like an after thought, only touched/talked to her when I wanted sex, made her feel disrespected, etc. It really makes me angry at myself when I type it up and re-read it. I didn't realize I had been doing those things (pretty crazy, I know, but I really didn't realize that was how she felt). Pretty bad stuff as I look at it with a fresh set of eyes in the rearview mirror.

So in short, I was incredibly selfish that she did everything that kept my love tanks filled, but I didn't keep her's filled. I thought I had, but now I know I hadn't.

Your W desperately wants to be loved, she still is not getting it from you.

Coach - like many of your posts, I've reread it many times and this point really made me think.

She had said, even right before she moved out, she sees many of my changes and said that they were just physical changes. I really didn't understand fully what that meant, but think it may be related to the point you're making. She still doesn't feel loved by me. Maybe she's not letting herself feel loved by me or what I'm doing isn't showing her that I really love her. I'm really going to have to think through this one some more.

How do I show her that I truly love her so she will feel loved? That is a question/point that I would really welcome some input on.

Maybe try thinking about what your W could be wanting from her man? Change your perspective.

Coach - another thought provoking point.

My wife says that I still don't get her or understand her. I had asked what she had meant by that and she says that I still can't sense how she feels or what she needs/wants. I thought this was a communication issue, but I think Kittyfish summed it up very nicely in her post

"What I wanted to see was a partnership- someone who valued me- respected me- and most importantly someone who wanted to meet my needs. Someone who listened to me and took the time to intimately know me. "

Again, this is another one that I really need to spend more time thinking about.

Thanks for dropping in and offering your guidance.