What I wanted to see was a partnership- someone who valued me- respected me- and most importantly someone who wanted to meet my needs. Someone who listened to me and took the time to intimately know me.
I came here just primarily to help men who might need my perspective.
Kittyfish, Keep posting your perspective is much needed here. Cheers Coach
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I came here just primarily to help men who might need my perspective.
Kittyfish, I don't want to steal someone else's thread, but can you stop by my thread to let me know your thoughts? My wife has filed for divorce and moved out 6 weeks ago. I've been having a really rough 2 weeks but I'm trying to dig myself out. Any fresh perspective will really be appreciated.
Me 41 WAW 36 S 3&7 M 10 yrs W files D 1/9/09 W moves out 4/18 Lost job 6/15 New job 7/27 Disc PA 8/10 (started Nov 2008!) Confronted 8/11 Admits PA & appologies for hurt 9/11 Lost Job 11/13
What I wanted to see was a partnership- someone who valued me- respected me- and most importantly someone who wanted to meet my needs. Someone who listened to me and took the time to intimately know me.
I came here just primarily to help men who might need my perspective.
Kittyfish, Keep posting your perspective is much needed here. Cheers Coach
I second that (getting your perspective Kittyfish). I think I interpret DB principles as helping communicate change and willingness to change in an effective way, which perhaps carries the message of wanting to meet the WAS's needs and being ready to listen and understand with empathy. Things that were usually missing and caused the split in the first place.
H35 W34 S4 | T-10 yrs M-6 yrs WAW said M over 04/09 | Living separate since 09/09 Thread #1 Thread #2 Thread #3
I'm responding here to your initial post on this thread. Thank you for coming here and posting your experience and your thoughts and feelings. I wish that my wife had come to me at some point and said, specifically, that she would 'leave' if things didn't improve. She never did. She did work very hard and put up with so much ridiculous stuff from me though, and she tried to get me to go to marriage counseling, and she tried to get me to go to church, and she tried everything else she could...and I was so full of anger and resentment that I stubbornly refused. I was absolutely shocked and devestated when she said she was leaving. I look back on my behavior and my thoughts and feelings, and I am so ashamed. I was flat-out wrong. I wish that she hadn't left, but I understand her feeling that she had to. I have grown and learned so much since then. I am a better person, a better father, and a better partner (for her, or for someone else). It hurts bad that she's not here. I have much regret and remorse. I see things so differently now, and I feel so differently now...I'm about a million miles away from being the way that I used to be. Will I ever get another chance with her...I don't know! I certainly hope so. One of the biggest things for me has been to learn to have compassion...compassion for myself, and compassion for others. I do genuinely love her, and I want to meet her needs, and have a loving, compassionate relationship with her... I respect and value her as a partner for life.
She has a ton of anger and resentment built up from over the years...understandably.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
To be honest, I haven't read alot of the DB materials so I can't be sure.
GAL- which I assume is getting a life- well he was already gone enough so that wouldn't have worked on me at all.
What I wanted to see was a partnership- someone who valued me- respected me- and most importantly someone who wanted to meet my needs. Someone who listened to me and took the time to intimately know me.
I came here just primarily to help men who might need my perspective.
We appreciate you coming here to provide us with your perspective. What you descibe as what you wanted in your marriage...is also something that I want in ours.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
What I wanted to see was a partnership- someone who valued me- respected me- and most importantly someone who wanted to meet my needs. Someone who listened to me and took the time to intimately know me.
I came here just primarily to help men who might need my perspective.
Kittyfish, Keep posting your perspective is much needed here. Cheers Coach
I concur. Thanks for being here.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
