I'm not seeing what the struggle is here....you either can or can't.
You know how selfish she is right now.....why is this such a surprise to you ?
What is the result you are looking for ? Decisions made from anger usually aren't the right ones. So get off the wheel about this, and find a balance for the children.
The refi ? Hmmm....
--- Dear Phsyco,
When I know something, I'll let you know...until then, "I'm working on it" will be my standard answer to you.
Love....Sanity ---
Be the change that you want to see.
And don't come back here and say you aren't stuck anymore until you re-read your posts....
You are correct that with everything going on you don't need the added stress of bringing another woman into the picture. I suppose that is how you got where you are now. Pardon me for the little bit of humor.
I am also struggling with a refi on my house, not to get money to pay off stbx but to get his name off the loan. Seems the appraiser says my house is worth one amount but with the market and the comps around here it doesn't appraise at the right amount. So...needless to say I am walking on eggshells with stbx because this was supposed to be finalized in February. My fear now is I will have to sell and live in my car.
I'm tired of putting my bills in a bowl and picking what gets paid and what doesn't. I'm sure I'm not the only one that has this problem.
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All I have to say to that is whatever she decides to do on the fourth, I hope a stray bottle rocket finds her selfish, controlling, crazy nosy @ss.
You sound like me now. I told my stbx to his face just a couple weeks ago I couldn't wait for the judge to hurry and sign the papers so I didn't have to see him again. I told him he was a sorry excuse for a human being.
Try not to let things get to you. You don't want to turn out old and bitter like me. Keep your spirits up and stay fun.
Putting my nose where it doesn't belong here.....forgive me.
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Be the change that you want to see.
And don't come back here and say you aren't stuck anymore until you re-read your posts....
I have noticed a big change in Trapt. He is standing up for what he believes in. He may come here and question things but in the long run I think before he even asks he knows the answer. Sometimes writing it down and seeing it in front of you helps more.
I don't see him as being stuck either. He is just dealing with everything in his own way.
Okay, Mach or whoever...I'm ready so let me have it.
Okay, Mach or whoever...I'm ready so let me have it.
Expecting the worst ?
Nope, not about that, everyone is entitled to thier own opinion. I respect yours as much as anyone here.
I'm not against anyone venting or whatever they want to do. It just seems to me from posts and convo's that he is stuck right now. But that is MY opinion, and it may be wrong. Although until I throw it out there, and see if it burns, he won't know either.
Ever been too close to the forest to see the trees ?
Alright, let's all jump into the analyze t game... I'm just feeling like he has moved into a new phase/stage, she is doing her best to maintain some control over him, he is trying to stay firm with her which is making her angry and hence she tries to exert more control. They are in a power struggle, and are both angry. I really get the feeling that she is not use to him keeping his foot down, so it really pisses her off.
Anyway, I just think he has to work through all of this and find a way to not let her crap get to him. Much easier said than done. I'm swimming through the river of crap myself.
Last edited by SoConfused; 06/03/0904:17 PM.
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
It just seems to me from posts and convo's that he is stuck right now.
Is it being stuck or finding his own way to deal with things? I don't see him as being stuck but then again, I haven't talked to him like you have. I see him as trying to deal with the situation without being a doormat. He is standing up to things. Yes, maybe he does have questions regarding certain things but don't we all?
Sorry Trapt, we are talking about you like you are a lab experiment or something.
I guess each of us are at different stages in our situations and we are going to automatically come up with different variations on why someone is doing or not doing certain things. Only the person who is dealing with the situation can know for sure what he/she needs to do.
Ok, Dr. Mozingo is closing shop now. I'm heading over to SoCo's for the tequila!!
Trapt - I think you are right on track. I went through the anger stage too. It is all part of losing a tremendous amount of finances and time with the kids.
All I can really recommend is that you learn to treat interactions with your X as a business transaction and with what is in the kids best interest.
It is a great time to refinance a house. At least it was for me since I was able to pay off all of the division of assets and spousal support in one lump sum. Winner Winner Chicken Dinner!
I'm still trying to finish up the last little details of the divorce and it has been 6 months since it was official. I still need to pay the final portion retirement with a cash, but she is not ever wanting to meet to sign off on it. She also has been pressing to ammend the judgment to say specifics about who pays what in the kids extracurriculars. If I detect that it is starting to rile me up, I tell myself to calm down and that the ball is in her court. If she wants to continue to use an L, that is her choice and she must know that is costly.
Pardon me for the little bit of humor.
