Not at the moment. 2 Hours that didn't get me anywhere. He doesn't hear me. I said that I didn't think it was a good idea and why and he turns it on me and make it be about me and my not being over "our situation". Eluded that I wasn't a very good parent and again how delusional I was because I "fought" for my marriage.
How all of these issues are separate. One thing has nothing to do with another. He puts me down and instead of being a duck, I let it get to me. I so dislike this alien. He kept pushing the buttons that hurt me and had that darn smirk on his face the whole time like I was a small child that he was explaining life to.
He said I was leading him on regarding the kids for months. I said that I gave him suggestions on to help the kids. He says they just need to deal with it. Get over it, skank is a lovely person and they would like her if they would just give her a chance.
Sorry, I am crying as I type this and probably not making a lot of sense. I need to get it together.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Oh and he said he thought we should be able to deal with this better since we are adults. Sure but if you don't do anything to improve the situation how will it get better? Oh I know how quit having emotions and become an alien like him.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I know that I pushed his buttons too, partly in reaction to his words. I don't know how these exchanges can ever be different. Basically not have them but still it would be sad 40 years from now to not have gotten past this crud.
He doesn't matter to me but he does to the kids. They need their Daddy...D8 especially. He can remember that I told him about that AT&T commercial and how she got so sad about it but he chooses not to "do"anything with that information. I can't make him a better parent. I asked if he wanted my help within their situation. He said let the cards fall where they may.
As we were throwing our ending darts at each other, he said I was damaging the kids now for the rest of their lives. I think that is what is called a projection screen.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
So yesterday he came and took the kids early as part of his "new plan". He wants the kids early on the Tuesdays after he gets paid so that they can have some extra time to do stuff. I think it is a great idea in the summer when the kids tend to get "bored". We never got to talking about that on Monday night as we were too busy hurting each other.
What did bother me was that he went behind my back and talks to the kids about spending time with him and possibly extra time. He makes a big deal about us talking first and how he doesn't think we should say anything to the kids until things are decided. I already said no I didn't think additional time with the overnights was a good idea, especially with his move coming and new situations having to be coped with. He hears things the way he wants to.
Really that is the only negative that I am dealing with. I should be happy that he wants to be with them because I am sure that there are parents out there that don't want to see their kids at all. Sad.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
What did bother me was that he went behind my back and talks to the kids about spending time with him and possibly extra time. He makes a big deal about us talking first and how he doesn't think we should say anything to the kids until things are decided. I already said no I didn't think additional time with the overnights was a good idea, especially with his move coming and new situations having to be coped with. He hears things the way he wants to.
kat
If you mean by hearing things the way he wants to, he listens to you and then goes ahead and does what he wants anyway, then yep, I think so.
My H does that too. You know he always wants to us to clear stuff with email ahead of time, but several times now he'll email about something and D9 will say oh, yeah, dad already told us that (re: stuff like an extra night or whatever). But if I did that, talking to the kids, then him, he'd freak!!! I don't think they treat others as they want to be treated. Karen
I don't think they treat others as they want to be treated. Karen
Certainly not, if so none of us would be on this board especially.
Kat you already realize he doesn't hear you and only takes what he wants from these exchanges. He gets an opportunity to hurt you some more, which really pisses me off for you. Acts like a total pompous ass with regard to his demands and you not being able to separate the M issues with the kids stuff. Its really not worth your time to waste on him. I like what Karen said on an earlier post, just let him know that this is what has been agreed to and if he doesn't agree now, hire a L and file a motion. End of old business, any new business? I know how hard it is to let it roll off of your back sometimes, but he has not earned the right to treat you with disrespect and disregard. These are the consequences of the actions HE chose and that is the truth. You don't owe him anything anymore. You don't owe him anything more than common courtesy. He doesn't deserve your kindness or generousity. Treat him as you would someone you were doing business with, friendly in a surface way.
Thats the best I can do, because I don't have the money and my wings are too sore to fly there and kick his a$$ for him like he needs.(((hugs)))
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
he has not earned the right to treat you with disrespect and disregard. These are the consequences of the actions HE chose and that is the truth. You don't owe him anything anymore. You don't owe him anything more than common courtesy. He doesn't deserve your kindness or generousity. Treat him as you would someone you were doing business with, friendly in a surface way.
That is so true!!! Maybe treat him like the mailman? (I got that from you)!
Quote:
Thats the best I can do, because I don't have the money and my wings are too sore to fly there and kick his a$$ for him like he needs.(((hugs)))
But if you want to start a send-Cory-to-kick-his-a$$-fund I'll chip in what I can. Karen
I would happily contribute!! Obviously I still have some things I want to hear...good or bad, and he won't go there. I don't get the compartmentalization. Everything is interconnected to some degree. Maybe this is one of those things like men expressing love through sex and women through words and actions. Maybe it really doesn't matter anymore.
I don't think of him as anything more than an occasional thorn in my side. I hate to be threatened which he likes to do. His life only concerns me as far as the kids. I do try to protect them but I won't help ex with them anymore. He is on his own.
Not much going on, so I haven't posted. I did hear from former boyfriend on Sunday. Actually had a pretty good conversation, just seeing where we are now in our lives. Don't even think it, I have been there and done that.
Got to get ready for work. I will catch up later.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Don't even think it, I have been there and done that.
I suspected as much! LOL. Who says there aren't "do overs?"
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
Karen