WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 10

[The Wifey]

Confused-

I have read all the posts since I was on the BB yesterday. One thing that jumped out to me is your Expectations.

The changes in you are not real until they are changes you make for you, and not so that the W will notice, W will react, or W will do something. She doesn't believe them YET, because they are not real yet.

This is not a put-down. You are getting the DB script, the ideas, and putting them into play. But, it takes a long time to go from understanding and doing them to making them a part of you. Again, not a put-down, just a fact.

I applaud you for being warmer on the phone. People that have been hurt, abandoned, or felt a loss - need their spouses to be
Dim and not Dark. Dark is not always THE solution that applies equally to everyone.

Now lets check out your understanding of nuances.

"I do want my wife back, but am not hopeful that will happen. The closest analogy I can make is like winning the lottery. I do hope to win, but I will not be planning my future based on winning it. That doesn't mean that I'm not going to play."

Nothing happens without hope and 100% commitment. It is a huge risk to walk the rails of the roller coaster and risk the greatest hurt you've ever felt rolling over you, sometimes over and over.

A hunch tells me you are man enough to live in the grey zone vs the B&W zone.

Now for the nuance, you are 100% committed, but the W doesn't know it. She assumes you are already moving on. You will be the calm in the storm for her. She won't know about your commitment to your M and her.

Can you get the nuance and DB, while being realistic it may not work, and still be that committed?