Man Overboard

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

So, I have not updated too much lately. Not that there isn't much t tell, but I am not drawn to document my entire life here anymore, even though I am still here and posting to others every day.

DH pulled another disappearing act for Memorial Day weekend. He really ought to get the directions out of his car to the airport up in the state capital. I can see them through the window every time I walk past his car in the driveway. Well, suddenly, after that weekend, he decided we need a visitation agreement. He brought it up last Wednesday, then again on Friday. Also, last Friday, he suddenly wanted to know why I wanted to go on the dependents cruise last Saturday--the one he filled out the forms and paid for for me to go on almost two weeks ago.

Initially, I told him I would do a visitation and draft an agreement that I wanted signed and notarized. I told him one day a week and every other weekend was the state norm. He was bothered by it and FIL was even more so, telling me I needed to be "reasonable" and that we can decide anything we want. I told him that was true, but since DH walked out and does not want a family, I do not see how I need to be any more reasonable than the state would be. FIL insisted I had to separate our M issues from the kids and tht while we were at it, we needed a separation agreement since this has gone on so long. That would totally screw DH, as i would walk with over 75% of his pay after taxes and he would not be able to make his other bills, but that is not my problem andthis is what he wants anyway, right?

Well, after several days of tears, lots of praying, and too much thinking, I have decided that I will NOT draft a visitation agreement. I am at peace with a decision that i never thought I would make in this direction. I do not have a problem with the current arrangement and I do not see a reason to change it. IF DH wants something else, he needs to do it. This way, too, he can never tell the kids that I would not allow him to see them more--he will take full responsibility for his decisions. I will not give him the opportunity to push it off on me.

I plan and do what I want when I want. DH can make plans and check to make sure the kids and I do not have anything already planned. DH is welcome to join us on anything we are doing. Quite honestly, I think all of this stems from DH's inability to be duplicitous and telling the OW everything that is going on. Her head must be spinning at the thought of his spending all of this time her and that I am still heavily involved in his career. The A has been going on 18 months now and she is not seeing any changes other than him not sleeping at the house. Wonder how she would feel to know that almost all of his stuff is still here, too. I am fairly certain she is starting to push him on things and I am not going to make it easier for them. Let her see what it is like to live in anxiety all the time for a change, especially since she helped create this mess in the first place.

Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~
SMW