New Post for Wifey

[The Wifey]

I am back home. I blinked. I drove around for about 4 hours, had some exchanges with my H in the interim and then came home.

He came to the house to see me after he read my first email. Called me. I didn't answer. Then he sent me a text and he said he was at the house are you coming back.

I replied why?

We ended up talking more than once. He kept repeating the "We are family, forever connected, I care about you thing." I told him that if he really meant any of those things then he wouldn't just walk and tell me to accept it.

Yes, I deviated from the DB script. Stay with me here.

The things I've asked for, like counseling, him going back to the Doc, open-minded effort on his part - which he has rejected time and again - are too much for him. He says he is doing as much as he is able to do.

I challenged him on it. What my C calls pushing back.

Me-You care, but you won't try.

H-I am trying in the way that I can. Who asked you to a movie on Sunday?

Me-I had a great time.

H-I never said separation meant I never wanted to see you again.

Me-Did you really mean it when you said you wanted to rebuild?

H-I did.

Me-And you think what we've been doing is leading to that?

H-I don't know yet. We are just starting.

Me-And after 26 years it isn't worth doing more?

H-I am doing as much as I can right now.

Me-That is all 26 years is worth?

H-You know I love and care about you.

Me-You don't normally see me cry because I hide it. You are seeing / hearing it now.

H-I don't know why you can't just accept our situation.

Me-My husband that I love dearly left me. I'm heartbroken. My brain accepts this, but it hurts so much.

H-I'm sorry.

Me-To me, its seems accepting it means giving up. Do you want me to give up?

H-No, not yet.

Me-So you love me, care about me, and I am family?

H-I mean that.

Me-It really hurts that I was so easy to let go of after all of the love.

H-It was not easy. I gave it a lot of thought.

Me-If I were married to another man and he did this, and you were my family member, would you still feel the same about what you are doing?

H-Not sure what you mean.

Me-Ok, to be clear, if that man left me and wouldn't do counseling, say. Would you think what the man was doing was logical?

H-I might be mad at him and advise you to divorce him.

Me-I have only responded with love and forgiveness.

H-That's true. I'm not sure why.

Me-Because you and our relationship are worth giving us every possible chance at happiness.

H-Hmmm. How about if I come over on Thursday? We can watch a movie, I'll replace that piece of siding over the garage and I will stay over?

Me-Why?

H-Right now lets just keep things simple. Know you are cared for. Tomorrow is a new day.

Me-So nothing is changed?

H-I know how much you love me. I know I've caused you a lot of hurt. I have a lot of thinking to do. Feels like I'm not doing enough.

Me-Will you?

H-I always think about us.

Me-Ok, good night then.

H-Let me know when you get back to the house so I know you are safe.

Ok. So this was a major deviation from the DB script. But at this point this needed to happen.

The status quo is getting us pretty much nowhere. The result is that he had to face the pain. He had to acknowledge that he hasn't done enough. If his words about rebuilding are more than just words, he needed to acknowledge this.

Let loose the 2x4s all. As much as I hurt then, I am actually good this morning. I put a chink in the stainless steel of Mr. Wifey.