Do you think it is unhealthy that I feel entitled after so many years to be supported for a time so that I can cultivate something that I am passionate about?
No. No, no, no, no, no. And...no.
Absolutely entitled. Absolutely not unhealthy. The only thing mildly unhealthy would be to EXPECT H to resolve that sense of entitlement for you.
Agreed!
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
The only thing mildly unhealthy would be to EXPECT H to resolve that sense of entitlement for you.
Ok, I'm not getting this. I mean I could just leave with nothing and start over but I have two kids and have a business I would like to put my energy into with the hope that I don't plummet into the world of workhorse...my goal is self -sufficiency and I think I will be much better off when not dependent on H for money.
The resolution of the sense of entitlement to me is time...and me being diligent in my efforts to create a new life for myself. Am I wrong to think I should have that time and financial support? I don't think so, again provided I am doing my part.
SP- I'm pretty sure W will have to give you support. How does this play into your dynamic?
Oh- facebook...I got off of there long ago. Too much drama with H and discomfort for mutual friends. Coffee could be cool...kills the anonymity but would be mutual exposure.
You should absolutely expect the support. This is your compensation for giving up your career and growth opportunities in order to support H and your kids during the past years. H is now obligated to support the kids, and to support you while you work to become independent.
SP's point was that at the same time, your H will probably be ugly about it, and try to make you feel that you are being unfair, unjust, selfish, etc etc. You have to accept that. He won't change. If his response makes you feel bad, guilty, selfish, etc, then that is your problem to solve for yourself. Don't wait for him to change his attitude before you feel OK about demanding the support.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
Oh, ok. I think he fully expects to support us. I have also noticed that his guilt really compels him to just about anything I tell him to. I am not saying this wont change (especially over time) but I think he knows I deserve something for my time (so crass).
I can't say that as time goes by he wont become resentful and difficult. I'm prepared for that. I feel very clear that I have a right to the support.
You are nowhere near the worst DB'er. You understand the pain your kids feel and he is in la la land. You just want to pop his bubble a little.
Of course he reacted the way he did. Any information that deviates from what he thinks, how he intends to do things, is going to cause irritation. He has to believe he is doing the right thing in order to keep doing it. And if he believe rock star is his golden ticket, he has to convince himself that all the consequences are worth it.
Sorry you are in the pain you are. I can certainly relate. But, today is a new day. IF it doesn't rain I am going to buy a new rod & reel and some new fishing tackle. I have a civil service exam to study for.
And you? What will you do today?
Hugs!
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
Absolutely entitled. Absolutely not unhealthy. The only thing mildly unhealthy would be to EXPECT H to resolve that sense of entitlement for you, instead of being determined to do so yourself.
You know the old Bible thing -- gasp! Heathenic Himself is quoting Scripture! Devils 'n' whatnot, LOL -- give a fellow a fish vs. teaching him to fish?
[@Coach and @SMW and some others will know the real thing -- just a vague recollection of days spent beneath the stern gaze of Fr. Weiss (who insisted on being called "Father Wise," which ought to explain a lot about Smiley's Person to our Good Christian Friends here!)]
Smiley almost quoted Scripture. Do I smell brimstone? Is that a white horse in the distance? J/K Smiley
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
Ok. So was just remembering many millions of years ago when I had an acting teacher who told me that he could see that I "feel small." I am a petite woman but I knew he meant more than that.
H is a very tall imposing figure. I know it sound silly but I think the physical ratio makes me feel like a child. In general, I think I feel so young despite my 37 years. I see women who look like grown ups to me. LOL.
So, I want to feel like a grown woman. What is that? What is the difference? It can't be flesh colored pantyhose, french nails or too much makeup. What is it that makes a woman a "woman" and not a "girl"?
Are you small or do you just feel small? What's the real A&K like?
Quote for you:
"You do the world no good by living small."
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Well, my preschool report card said "she may be tiny but she knows what she wants."
So, I am small in frame but not in heart or mind or spirit. BUT, I feel small. I mean I think physically being petite for my whole life has sort of metaphorically shaped the way I view myself in the world. And, the flip side of that is that I overcompensate. I can be crass (definitely can hang with the guys) and bold and outspoken.
I think I would like to develop a softer strength. A quieter knowingness. I think being small and soft has just felt too vulnerable to me. But, it is that gentleness and that tenderness that I think I have lacked in my R with H and with others. Men scare me (epiphany). I think I took an if you can't beat'em join'em posture. Now, I would love to be that tender, gentle woman but H is not really safe. So, I can be that with others and I have already started. But when my buttons are pushed, tigress, mama bear, my macho side comes out. I'd love to make the shift on a deeper level. I'm certain the fear is the impasse and I'm sure the macho military men can relate and impart some wisdom. How do you relieve that instinct to defend, protect, go to battle? Seriously, I think I am really defensive.
BTW- I'm actually just about average height, just in a town full of tall people I guess...I'm not a "little person"...not that there is anything wrong with "little people"...YKWIM
