That's cuz you're a guy who thrives in Life's greys, SP. I envy you in a lot of ways, as God wired me more as a black-and-white guy. There's a whole lot of living in those grey areas, if you can learn to get your head (and heart!) into those spaces.
That's cuz you're a guy who thrives in Life's greys, SP. I envy you in a lot of ways, as God wired me more as a black-and-white guy. There's a whole lot of living in those grey areas, if you can learn to get your head (and heart!) into those spaces.
I just can't.
Puppy
I can't either. I have to keep fighting the urge to yell "Are we married? or are we Not Married? Which is it?"
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
Funny observation, PDT -- not funny ha-ha, but..... oh f*ck it! You know what I mean!
I was having that PRECISE discussion with the person WAW has taken to calling my German "girlfriend" (Foreign Female Friend from my earlier threads) not 10 minutes ago.
For the loooonnnnnngggggggeeeeeeeesssssstttttt time I could ONLY function in B&W. Right or wrong. Good or evil. Yes or no. Now or never.
I think maybe the war did that in for me. Now I rather like living in The Grey.
(Though it's not on my palette, to be sure. I'm more of an Autumn. [Our lady DB friends will get that.])
@Thinker: That surprises me, given your background. Wasn't that a Life Of The Grey? Or did everything sort of change after Ivan went away?
Grey is where most of life really happens...I've always tried to be conscious of living with the ambiguity inherent in being alive. I think sometimes we think we are doing it fairly well and get challenged in these monumental ways...death, divorce etc. Can I really thrive and love and live fully when the pieces aren't all put together?
Kudos to you SP for being able to do that. And, thanks for expressing it so well. When I feel that overwhelmed, knot in my stomach sensation, I can remind myself that it is the ambiguity taunting me, challenging me. Live with it, through it and be me regardless of what is happening.
It is interesting. Everyone around me wants an answer. What's happening with H? Is he going to come back? What are you going to do? They want definitive answers as if somehow the challenges of life would all fade away and we would drift off into happy land. There are obviously decisions that have to be made and with children there does seem to me more of a motivation to settle or resolve into some predictable normalcy. But, it is an illusion of sorts anyway.
Funny observation, PDT -- not funny ha-ha, but..... oh f*ck it! You know what I mean!
I was having that PRECISE discussion with the person WAW has taken to calling my German "girlfriend" (Foreign Female Friend from my earlier threads) not 10 minutes ago.
For the loooonnnnnngggggggeeeeeeeesssssstttttt time I could ONLY function in B&W. Right or wrong. Good or evil. Yes or no. Now or never.
I think maybe the war did that in for me. Now I rather like living in The Grey.
(Though it's not on my palette, to be sure. I'm more of an Autumn. [Our lady DB friends will get that.])
That was a surprise! What with your sunny disposition, one would have thought you were a summer...
@Thinker: That surprises me, given your background. Wasn't that a Life Of The Grey? Or did everything sort of change after Ivan went away?
A strange observation. I deal with (and have fun with) immense amounts of gray ambiguity in my work, business, travels, sports, etc. I work in business startups with no guarantees of success, I like nothing better than to set off for a weekend trip with no fixed destination, the most fun games are those where half the cards are hidden, etc.
But in social interactions (where the highest amounts of gray seem to be found), I try to avoid gray as much as possible.
I think it has to do with ones level of comfort in a particular area: less comfort == more desire for B&W.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
That's cuz you're a guy who thrives in Life's greys, SP. I envy you in a lot of ways, as God wired me more as a black-and-white guy. There's a whole lot of living in those grey areas, if you can learn to get your head (and heart!) into those spaces.
I just can't.
Puppy
I have been there as well. Grew up in a dysfunctional home with lots of rules (especially unwritten rules), went to college at The Citadel, went into Air Force into B-52 SAC World (rules for rules), then I went in the financial advisory business - lots of rules but people don't buy on rules it's based on their heart. Rules, black and white thinking limit us. Rules, B&W thinking cause us to want to keep score, become defensive (yeah buts...) and eventually depressed. What happens if you find out you were using old rules or rules that don't apply to the sitch at hand? Marriage, relationships and love have wide, moving and ever increasing boundaries when it's healthy. Einstein quotes:"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them." "Imagination is more important than knowledge." "A person starts to live when he can live outside himself."
I don't believe the B&W thinking is good for Coach at this point in my life. The two rules I go by now are: “You shall love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, with all your being, with all your strength, and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself.”
It's right there in black and white. That is full of color, boundless, healthy, fun, interesting, challenging and up to me. I think God wired me to explore that space. Didn't always think that way. Cheers Coach
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
