In Utter Agony...Long 1st Post

[eternaloptimist]

Hi, IWSOM! Thanks for all of your feedback esp. regarding divorce details. I'm sorry about your H and situation. This all just sucks, doesn't it? I haven't been doing any research into divorce b/c I just didn't want my mind to even go there---trying to stay solution-focused more than anything. And I don't see divorce as a solution to all of H's unhappiness or our problems.

Thanks for your support about our talk tonight. I'm getting anxious about it. I see my C tomorrow thankfully. I think I'll work out beforehand so that I have some endorphins pumping in my body. I'll be happy if we can agree to work on the marriage for at least a year, so our son can go back to his private school. A lot can happen in a year. Yesterday and last night, he seemed so concerned about me. He must have called me 6 times. He was reading all of these heartfelt emails that I sent him over the past several months, and I know he has kept all of them. Good signs? Maybe. He even asked me to sleep with him (no sex) in the guest bedroom. That was unexpected. He says that he likes sleeping alone b/c he has a sleep disorder and wakes up all the time. [I think he has depression.]

Trying hard to detach today and my heart is so heavy... Today I put on a sexy work outfit, perfume, just had my hair done with highlights and wore some killer dressy shoes. I've lost 25 lbs. since the bomb and today noticed that I lost 2 more lbs. Surely he's noticed. It has really boosted my self-esteem. H came to my office to see me b/c he was nearby for his work anyway, so I made sure that I looked my best. I think he noticed. Maybe the affair fogs are lifting? He said that he's emotionally exhausted. I just listened to him talk mostly. He made sports plans out-of-town for the Sunday of my 40th birthday weekend this fall, so that kind of stung a bit. He said that he didn't realize it was the same weekend, so maybe that is salvageable.

Hope you have a nice day!