You know what's funny? Well, not funny ha-ha, but funny funny?
When I look at Herself, I totally see my wife. I feel love for her. I feel powerful sexual attraction for her -- more powerful, indeed, than for many many a month. I have to check the "honeys" and "sweeties" as they try to leave the mouth. When she's near me -- and she likes to do this close-physical-proximity thing, much closer than she used to before -- I have to physically restrain the arm or the hand from reaching around her or patting her bottom.
Yet simultaneously I can totally see her as my ex-wife. I can easily imagine myself with someone else.
And that disjuncture, that disconnect -- it causes me no cognitive dissonance, no pain, at all. I'm reminded of people who have near-death experiences and relate how they felt like they were floating above themselves, just watching the docs do their thing.
But that's not what's funny to me.
What's funny is what it implies for one's "done-ness." MWD writes that when Mr. or Mrs. is "done," they just ignore Future LBS. And in retrospect I could see that in WAW's behavior after around, say, Thanksgiving 08.
But either I'm not "done," or my done-ness is of a different order of magnitude, because I'm intensely interested in WAW and WAW's life (though not, I believe, in a pursuing/obsessive way, just in a curious, I like-this-person and I'm-interested-in-what-s/he-does kind of way), and I'm perfectly happy to see her and engage with her.
But neither seeing nor engaging seems -- these days, anyway (always prepared for the roller coaster to return) -- to make me any less "done" or weaken my "done-idity."
