I know its hard to go dark when you have your kids to think about. I managed it with my W over a short period of time though. I would go to her house to pick up Wee Man, ask some basic questions about when he'd slept, eaten, etc. and then I'd up and leave. It took a lot of self control because I wanted to ask her what she'd been up to and how she was. I resisted the urge though. If she tried to engage me in any kind of conversation I'd just make up some excuse about being in a hurry. Yes, I had to physically see her which always hurt me when she was looking really good but you have to learn to ignore that on the surface at least.
I'm not sure I agree with the idea of having the bags outside. That's just confirming to her that you're not strong enough to face her. The trick is to make it seem to her as though you and your kids have better things to do than waste time talking with her. Don't be nasty about it, just do it.
I found after a short period of going dark with my W in this way, it suddenly became her being very interested in my actions. Still, I remained vague to keep her guessing. The hardest thing in the world is to stop pursuing but I think it's also the most effective.
Try to keep your self control about you Mark. That's the one thing which is causing you problems.
Kev
Me: 32, Wife: 22 Son: 2 Married: 2 years Separated: January 5th 2009
Sometimes you have to become lost before you can find yourself.
