PM Thread #6 - New Life for Number1 - Me

[PositivelyMommy]

25yrs, you brought up some very valid points which I would like to address.

BTW, I always liked you for you mind and writing you more just confirms my first impression of you.

Yes, my feelings are hurt. They are deeply hurt not only because she didn't stand up for our M, but really because she went beyond that and approved of his R with OW.

I know she didn't stand up for our M because we talked at length about H and what she thought etc. I know her VERY WELL. I know H very well. I can assure you her comments to him are more of the lines of 'What about the kids?' which are totally valid. Not 'How about giving it a try with counselling with PM because she is not a terrible person and is willing to give this M a greast shot.'

She won't stand up to him for many reasons:
1) He is her only son, her closest relative so she doesn't want to alienate him
2) she is an avoidant person, doesn't ever speak her mind in close relationships
3) Her M to H's father was a total disaster - H's father pushed her out of a moving car during D
4) She is afriad of dying alone, she doesn't want to alienate her son
5) She acts out of fear all the time, not 'what is the right thing to do? How to live morally and not have regrets.'
6) She believes that talking will not work with H because he is stubborn


I think she didn't realize that H has been and is still looking to her for guidance. So when she met with OW, she basically gave him her approval of OW.

I know he thinks this way because it happened with me when he brought me home to meet his parents separately. I brought this fact up to her, she was clueless.

No, she never promised NOT to meet OW. I never made her promise as I know I can't MAKE anyone do anything. I just told her how I would feel if she did meet her. So she met her, I felt the way I thought I would feel, gutted.

So now here we are. I am not punishing. I am hurt, I feel betrayed and I feel that facing her betrayal day and night for 30 days would be torture. Can't pretend I don't have those feelings. Why put myself through it? I don't want to end up with stress induced illnesses because of this visit.

I told her, I just want calm, rest and time to work on my book. She won't take no for an answer. I will try to tell her again to speak with her son. That, he can take them if he wants and I would be OK with that.