I had been hanging on and hoping for hope because of my boys. Perhaps you are right, the best thing for them may be for me to truly drop the rope and get a life for myself. I need to be in a position to decide how she will be in it.
To be sure you understand "dropping the rope"......it does include your children, by all means. However, the way I see it is that you do NOT decide how she fits into it. The point is that you move "forward and onward" with your life and you do it as though she will never be a part of it again. That is your attitude and your behavior and actions. If you are holding out and think that this is a ploy to get her back.....it will blow up in your face. It has to be done from the heart knowing that it is the best move to make. You do love her, but you give her what she says she wants. You do not fight her about it. If she wants a D, you let her do all the work to get it. If all you have to do is sign your signature, then okay. But no fighting anymore. No hanging on for dear life and no begging and pointing out the good things about M, etc. Let her go. When you do this, it make YOU act completely different. From what people say, you first feel releived from all that junk you were carring around for months. You feel a sense of freedom from that burden and most of all you feel peace. You start making plans for you and the kids. Yes, you may have to still contact her on occassion, but I would put my foot down about any of the co-dependent stuff. She just needs to get to a doctor. But I really meant to point out from your quote that you were still figuring her in the picture of dropping the rope. The point is......YOU DO NOT INCLUDE HER IN THAT PICTURE. If things work out for her to get back in that picture, that is great, but for now you need to make plans as if she is not going to be a part of your life any longer. Then you may have to make a believer out of her. I really hope I am wrong about my gut feeling about her.
You painted a different picture of her after my long post I sent to you, but I took it as a man seeing her through eyes of love. One thing that stands above all else is how you are the one that has been broken and pulled down and has taken a beating from her and then from yourself. You are still beating yourself half to death every day. When are the beatings going to stop? When are you going to forgive yourself? If she says that she might can forgive you but would never be able to trust you again? She just doesn't sound strong enough for any type of man-woman R to me. Anyway, you are the one I am trying to help here and you are very depressed and taking all the blame for what has happened. Okay, so you were deaf and blind to her needs. You cannot go back in time and change things and if she won't give you a chance to make amends now and make a better futute for the two of you......what are you suppose to do the rest of your life? How many time do you have to say you are sorry before it takes? Aren't you about to run out of "I'm sorry's"?
My suggestion for your own self esteem is to go for two weeks without saying you are sorry for anything. You may say you apologize, but don't say you are sorry. There is a big difference. Also, put a stop right now on ever saying you are sorry....again.....for what you have already said over and over for the same thing. That is degrading to yourself. She is robbing you of your self respect. That is one of the reasons I said that I did not think the two of you were very healthy for each other at this time. She doesn't trust you and you are eat up with guilt. You need to stay in therapy and she certainly needs to get help.
Got to get some rest. Talk later.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
