WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 10

[MrBond]

"To be upfront, I am at grips with the fact that there is no hope to save the marriage. I know we will get divorced. Right now she is not going to change her mind nor is she doing anything to work on herself to let go of her hurt to try to forgive and give us another chance. I know that and am facing that brutal reality heads on."

Okay for one thing it's way to early to even think this. The problem with you saying something like this (in your first sentence no less) is that you've given up. So why bother doing all the other things you posted after it?

You haven't really been constructive at doing your own thing since your W left. Concentrate on that to build yourself up again. Once you do that you'll find forgiveness for yourself.

It comes back to this...do you want to save your M or not? There is not gray area. Either you're in it or not. Even when detaching, you can do so with the goal of wanting to save the M.

Have you written any goals in terms of DB? For example, W will initiate a friendly conversation when I do this. A few of those goals along with your own ones that will help you to detach and GAL are what will get your W back.

You've let your W drag you along her emotional rollercoaster that you're letting her trainwreck turn into yours. Think of it like playing basketball. You see the basket but can't get a clear shot because of all the obstacles in front of it. The defending players are hostile and big, so rather than charging into them head on, you pivot and weave your way around them in order to get to the basket. If one play doesn't work, then you switch it up and do something else. You just have to give a play a chance and not think of forfeiting the game because the other players are too tough.

At this point, you can still ask W to join you and the boys for dinner when you're together at one of their games. If she doesn't want to go, then hey, no biggie. I think maybe you need to give her a little of the "chase" that she's been asking for, but not too much that it becomes pursuing. It can start out as being polite, then move into something more. Establish your friendship with her first to earn her trust, then bump up the intimacy each time. Very slowly.

It comes back down to what you want.