In Utter Agony...Long 1st Post

[eternaloptimist]

Eternal: Whoa there! You kind of sound like I do sometimes, when I'm checking in with my therapist, kind of unplugging and unloading all the drama that's been happening to you...

Hi, IWSOM! You are so sweet to reach out to me. THANK YOU!! If I could hug you, I would. Virtual hug!

We do have a lot in common with our sitches and responses. Any chance you are a Libra? I'm a Libra with a rising sign Libra too. I need balance big time and this has thrown off my balance in a major way. I do practice a guided meditation every day called yoga nidra, but even that has not been helping enough. I truly appreciate all of your kinds words, support and advice. It has been a bright spot in my day, so thank you!

Wish I could table the "Wednesday" talk. I totally hear you on that front. But it cannot be delayed because of some contractual obligations we have for our son's private school education this fall. If H decides that he doesn't want to work on the marriage anymore, I can't live in the same house with him. I know right now that I cannot endure a non-divorce living arrangement. It would be extremely damaging to me and to our son. H refuses to move out and find an apartment right now b/c we already know our finances won't allow that. Plus, he has a pitt bull. Good luck finding an apt. that will take a pitt bull these days. So, I will have to move out and will not be able to afford son's private school tuition or much else for that matter. If we don't make a decision by July 1st, we'll owe the school $9,000! Ouch! It sucks to be put in this psychological and financial vise with the crank turned tightly!

We are primarily going to talk about the financial implications of a divorce so that we have all of the facts so to speak from a fiscal perspective. It will be very pragmatic and rational, not emotional. We'll save that kind of discussion for MC. This is what H wants to "see the facts." I already know that the financial impact of divorce will ruin us in the short and long term. We can't sell our house and not go bankrupt right now. We paid top dollar for our house and lost $40,000 on it overnight b/c of the market. We owe more than it's worth. Even with a short sale and realtor fees, we'd be in the hole over $22,000. And H thinks we can get a no-fault divorce for only $800? This is what an attorney told him. I find that hard to believe given that our home is worth over $300K and custody paperwork would make filing more complicated. I guess H needs to see it in black and white and perhaps that will sway him to work on the marriage. He wants to "weigh" the effort that will be required by either alternative. I can appreciate this approach b/c it takes the emotion out of it somewhat.

Tonight on the phone, he told me that he wants what is best for our son. He keeps emailing me, checking on me to see how I'm doing, and telling me that no matter what happens between us, he does love me. You are right that it is something to hold on to and to see it as a gift. But, I don't want him to be guilted into staying married to me b/c of money. That would likely just lead to more resentment, you know?

I just have to keep DBing, focus on myself as much as I can, bury myself in my work, keep reminding myself that I have a lot going for me with or without him, right? Very easy to say, hard to do.

I hope you have a nice night! Thanks again!