A new thread, a new outlook.....

[Can it work]

I had a really nice conversation on the phone with my W this morning. In fact, we talked for a good 45 minutes. I came away from it feeling really refreshed. We talked mainly about Wee Man and his non-stop developments but we also gossiped about other people a lot. At one point the subject came up of two of my female friends. My W asked if I saw a lot of them. I was honest about it but never went in to any details.

I was going to go and visit Wee Man today but my W told me she was going to her parents house for a bit of a party they're having. It's for all those who are going to Bulgaria in July on the big family holiday and for those who have had to pull out. Turn's out my W's folks can't go anymore either as my FIL got a promotion at work and they wouldn't hounour his holidays when he took the job. The only person who was initially going and isn't invited to the party is little old me! I do feel a bit left out but I'm not naive enough to believe I ever would have been invited.

Turns out I made a mistake in my calculations about my W's birthday/father's day. It's her weekend with Wee Man so she'll not be heading out on the Saturday night. That may make asking her to lunch a bit easier. After all, what have I got to lose? It's got to be worth a try.

Kev

[PositivelyMommy]

Glad you had a nice talk. I think the main thing is that there is no hostility. Maybe you two are at a stage where you can build up a friendship again? I think my DB coach said you go from conflict to no-conflict to friendship to romance. Good luck, Kev :-)

[PositivelyMommy]

Glad you had a nice talk. I think the main thing is that there is no hostility. Maybe you two are at a stage where you can build up a friendship again? I think my DB coach said you go from conflict to no-conflict to friendship to romance. Good luck, Kev :-)

[PositivelyMommy]

Glad you had a nice talk. I think the main thing is that there is no hostility. Maybe you two are at a stage where you can build up a friendship again? I think my DB coach said you go from conflict to no-conflict to friendship to romance. Good luck, Kev :-)

[PositivelyMommy]

Sorry Kev,

The updated website is playing tricks and it posted it three times. sorry.

[Can it work]

My DB Coach said much the same PM. I guess I have gotten past the stage of no more hostility. Maybe it's just back to the old patience thing again to wait for a friendship to blossom. The only issue I have is the severe lack of any interaction with her to actually work on a friendship. I just don't spend enough time with her I don't think. That's why I'm thinking about suggesting this joint lunch for her birthday/father's day. Maybe it's trying to rush things though. I don't know.

Kev

[MsMelancoly]

Hey Kev, With asking your W to a joint lunch, what do you have to lose? If it doesn't work, then you know to take a step back or stay still, so to speak. If asking, I would ask in advance. Then you don't put her on the spot & if she says no, then you can say, ok I'll make other plans then. No big deal.

There's my 2 pents.

[PositivelyMommy]

Hey Kev,
what is your gut feeling? Do you think she would say yes and be relaxed at lunch?

If you think it would work, then by all means. But if you think you guys are not there yet then I would try flirting first.

I know from my sitch with my MIL. She is pursuing me like crazy to bring kids to see her and it's a BIG turnoff. So I can get a bit of what WAS feels when the LBS is too pushy. I keep thinking, 'Don't you understand the word 'no'?' 'Why aren't you listening to me?'

So what does your gut tell you?

[Can it work]

Morning PM,

To be completely honest, my gut tells me she may say yes but I don't know about the being relaxed bit. I was sort of hoping that the lunch may be an opportunity for me to flirt a bit. There's just never any time in the 5 minutes or so it takes to pick up or drop off my son. The other thing is that it's Father's Day too. I want to spend some time with Wee Man. The problem is that it's also my W's birthday so there's a chance if I don't ask her to lunch she'll make other plans with her family and I'll not get to see Wee Man at all. The lunch was as much so I could spend time with him. Not just because I want to spend time with my W. This one's really confusing me I'm afraid and I have no idea how to proceed.

Kev

[PositivelyMommy]

Hey Kev,

So here is what you said, maybe reading it in someone else's words would make it clearer:

1) You want to see Weeman on Father's Day (1st priority)
2) You want to test the waters with W to see if she will eat and spend time with you
3) You want to celebrate your W's birthday or at least not have W take Weeman for the whole day in which you will miss out on time with him
4) You want to start flirting with W and need more than 5 minutes

So how about you suggest that you take Weeman out for lunch. That it's Father's Day and it's special for you and would like to see him and spend an hour or two.

Then ask her what she is doing. See if she has plans already for lunch. If she says yes she has plans, then it's a no go either way.

However, if she says she doesn't have plans then maybe she is up for something. So then you can ask if she would like to join the two of you. She has to eat anyway. That way, it's your plan with Weeman and you are just inviting her along because she needs to eat. Not that it's a date with her, making such a big deal out of it.

If she goes out with you and Weeman for lunch, then you can put on your charms (and jokes) and see if she responds.

If not, then you have Weeman for awhile on Father's Day, take some photos of yourselves having a good time and you have a very nice memory.

Either way, you WIN!