In Utter Agony...Long 1st Post

[eternaloptimist]

You need to make a decision whether you can let that go or not, going forward it does no good to constantly worry about it. It sounds like you are still in the punishing stage, who cares who it was, would it have been better if it were a stranger, or your best friend, who cares, it was your husband, and now you must decide when you are going to start piecing your marriage back together, or just steam and let it to continue to go down hill.

Burt

Hi, Burt. Yeah, you are SO right. It's been a hard day. I don't feel that I have been punishing him just asking questions, which he is sick of answering. If anything, I have been the one to reach out to him, wanting to make love to him (and being rejected, so a 180 that backfired), still doing all of the things I've always done to show him love---taking care of our son, buying his favorite cookies, making his favorite meals, family activities that I know he'll love, putting my job 2nd to family obligations to the detriment of my career, supporting him with his hobbies and work. From the very beginning when the EA was revealed, I felt like I was his champion, emphasizing how the therapist took advantage of his vulnerabilities for her own personal gain. He's been exploited. He didn't see it that way; he feels guilty for initiating contact. I'm more angry at the therapist than at him b/c my H has been in so much pain for so long.

Whether or not I want to piece the marriage together, since I'm the one unilaterally championing it, seems like the pivotal question of the day. I guess I just don't know right now.