He actually verbalized to me on several occasions that he "cannot" be alone. I told him that he is a freaking 33 y/o man and he needs to learn how to be alone and take care of himself. I told him this numerous times. He is waaayyy crashing and burning without me to clean up his messes.
But is he really doing that ? Are YOU really doing that ?
If you are still telling him that he needs to do this himself....then you are enabling him. He is still depending on YOU to tell him what is wrong....STOP telling him what the hell is wrong.
That is part of going through this for him. He has to figure things out, not have you tell him what to figure out.
And by telling him, you actually ARE cleaning up his messes. I would say to tell him that he is a smart guy ( chuckle) and he needs to figure this out for himself, cause you can't help him anymore.
Stop letting him walk all over you and play with your emotions, or he will continue this forever.....
I think I will have to find a different phrase... lol I might choke on that one. I have just said, I'm sure you'll figure it out, in the past. But, you are right, I guess I am still helping him, even though I'm not DOING anything for him. He is obviously still emotionally dependent on me.
I know exactly what he's trying to get at with the sob stories, and it's no way no how. He would looovvveee for me to offer for him to stay with us and it's not going to happen. He even asked me one day what I would say if he asked. I just looked at him crazy and then he said nevermind.
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
Hey C, I totally agree with you. I am going to have to be way more firm. I have tried to be nice and not really too harsh b/c I felt like he was on the edge and fragile.
Hey M,
Just remember where he is when you do this ( not physically either). If you come across as harsh with him.....he will probably shut down within three words on you.
Intial boundries have to come from a place deep within.
Subsequent boundries ( if needed ) can come from a much different place.
Well, there are several patios with margaritas around here!! Wanna come? The first one's on me. You'll just have to ignore it if a crazy stalker like guy shows up and starts whining... LMAO
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
Hey S and hi Mach, S, listen, it really is time to stop engaging with him because this is not healthy for either of you. I know you are a nice person with a good heart, but it really is for the best. He needs to man up. You need to feel safe and move forward.
I think simple, straight forward and firm is best. You could just say, "I want you to stop calling or texting me unless it has to do with the children. And you are not to show up at my house without an invitation. I am sorry you are struggling, but it really is not my problem" or something to that effect.
Keep it short because he probably will only be listening to the first three or four sentences.
And I'll take a drink with a cute umbrella in it, please.
Yep. I agree. I got your umbrella, B!! Oh, and we have games every night the rest of this week, so that should be fun. Have to try to enforce some of those physical boundaries.
And Mach, don't know what I would say but I'll have to think of it. I'm sure it's coming... I'm sure the crazy look won't work twice.. lol
Last edited by SoConfused; 06/02/0909:26 PM.
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
I have just said, I'm sure you'll figure it out, in the past. But, you are right, I guess I am still helping him, even though I'm not DOING anything for him. He is obviously still emotionally dependent on me.