Offer to have him log into his Sent Items e-mail RIGHT THEN, and show you his response. And that if you're wrong, you'll drop it.
$100 says he'll say "I automatically delete my Sent items" or some such.
And again, you will have your answer.
Puppy
Yep, too late for that. He not only deleted the emails I had but everything he had. So I guess I have my answer.
What other tactic can I use to draw out the truth? I will be moving out at the end of the summer if he had a PA w/her. I guess I need to say that to him.
Last edited by eternaloptimist; 06/02/0908:42 PM.
Me 39, H 41 M 17, T 21 Son, 4 Bomb 2.09, Two EAs Separated 8.4.09 My Long Story and First Postings
What other tactic can I use to draw out the truth? I will be moving out at the end of the summer if he had a PA w/her. I guess I need to say that to him.
You don't need to say ANYTHING to him right now. Get that "NOT Just Friends" book, and read it. Don't make any major decisions or ultimatums in the meantime. IF he persistently, and seemingly sincerely, says to you "What can I do to show you ...." then you can ask for full transparency, but I'd just drop it for now, and operate from a position of assuming he had a very deep EA.
I do think that, based on just HER e-mail, that ethically this needs to be fully exposed to her at work.
Yea, me too. Everything points to it. I keep thinking about other things he's said to me months ago. One condom was missing from the box he threw out. He said he had it in his wallet and got rid of it. Lies!
During one argument, he also said that communicating with another woman (someone else that I thought he was having an EA with) "was the biggest mistake of his life." and that I was going to "poison our son against him." Now that I think about it, I bet their PA started in February when he admitted to wanting an affair.
Last edited by eternaloptimist; 06/02/0908:45 PM.
Me 39, H 41 M 17, T 21 Son, 4 Bomb 2.09, Two EAs Separated 8.4.09 My Long Story and First Postings
Eh... my thoughts are in line with not making rash decisions. I'm as proud as they come, and virtually 99% of my family was in the "dump her now" camp, but I find it is important for your own self to give yourself time to calm down and make a decision not based on emotion... otherwise you might regret that decision later.
I know I gave myself several months, and I am resigned to the fact I've done everything I could, more than could be expected, and that I'll be fine. I can hold my head high knowing I did everything I could.
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
The "discovery" phase is revealing and painful. Things will keep popping into your head for awhile, and each one will be a painful smack at your self esteem.
Try to remember that you had no reason not to trust him, even if the lies are visual now. There is no dishonor in trusting the person that you love.
Most of us are about as happy as we make up our minds to be.
Hmmm...I wish I could calm down. I'm just not wired that way. I am going to explode. I don't even want him near our son.
Well, for your son's sake, you NEED to. Do you have a close friend, or a family member you can talk to today?
I'd also strongly suggest calling your physician and asking about ADs, including the "take immediately for anxiety attack" kind. They were a LIFESAVER for me.
I do know how you're feeling. When I saw my wife meet her OM in a parking lot, and get into his car and drive to his house, I had a panic attack. I'd never had one before. I couldn't breath, couldn't drive, and it felt like a big fat person was sitting on my chest.
