How Do You Forgive?

[eternaloptimist]

People do, EA -- don't do anything rash. Just calmly talk to him, but firmly tell him that YOU need transparency from him if YOU are going to feel trusting in the marriage.

Based on the evidence you've seen, I would think you would need that in order to even move forward. He's going to balk (again), and call you "controlling" and "paranoid" and try to put this back on YOU. COUNT on it.

Stand firm. Say "I know all about you and ______, and it's not only incredibly disrespectful to our marriage, but it's something you and I always agreed was a dealbreaker. I don't know how far it's gone, but what i DO know is that it's gone WAY past the line, and it needs to stop. I"m willing to work on the marriage with you, but not with a third person in it."

And then I'd give him all of five minutes to decide.

Puppy

I did that with him last night and he was literally "in my face" with his eyes wide open angrily denying anything more than a handshake with his therapist. If I bring it up again tonight, he's going to snap, say I'm emotionally unstable, have gone off the deep end, and say that's it---we have nothing left to talk about. How do I break through to him?