A quick update to my situation: A few years back H had an emotional affair. We fought over it a lot. I kicked him out for one night. At the time, I had never heard the term EA. EA ends because she moves out of the state. We recover. Last September I'm pregnant, miscarry. October we are still trying to buy a bigger house. November we decide against the house and he drops the "I don't want to have any more children" bomb on me. I'm devestated. A week later he wants "a break". A week later we are separated and he's moving out, but home on the weekends. Then he stops coming home on the weekends. Turns out the OW from his second EA gets dumped by her live in boyfriend and kicked out of the house. EA gets hot and heavy and probably a PA for about two weeks in January, then she dumps him. But keeps talking to him. I move out of the house in February, he moves home. May, I move home with our 3 year old, he's now living there on his nights that he is supposed to be watching our son. Then he stays with a friend. But this is an improvement of how it's been since about early to mid December. And he sleeps in our bed with me. (Sometimes he initiates ML, sometimes we just snuggle, sometimes there's no contact. Hard to say what it's going to be.)
I know the OW still calls him and I've seen some texts between them. It's 80% complaining about work and a particular co-worker and the rest is pretty blah. But to me this is still very much an emotional affair. Because of these after work conversations and who knows what during work conversations, he's very unavailable to me. He says it's over. He's even said I'm delusional. But he still wants to initiate ML. One day he's hot and heavy for me and the next, nada. At this point, my goal is to not fight with him for three solid weeks. And I mean NOTHING at all in terms of fighting or arguing. That means on June 27th I can scream at him. So far pretty good. And I have not mentioned or even remotely discussed OW in about 5 or 6 days now. Pretty good there. At this point, he has started to tell people we are divorcing. The EA ending on her end, for him I think is still very very raw. I do believe he's still very much mourning that and possibly even hoping she dumps her boyfriend (whom she is convinced will propose in the next two months) and says "Let's ride off into the sunset Shorty!" (Yes, she's an amazon and taller than him--couple of inches.)
Here's some extra background info: He's always around. And I mean A LOT. On his weekends is when he tends to not be around 100%. But on nights when he doesn't have to be, he's there. He hangs out a lot more than a man who really wants out of his marriage should be. So it's very confusing to me, but yet, offers some hope or maybe it's just making me more delusional...???? Not sure.
At this point I want to know: How can I fight for my marriage with this OW who sits 8 feet from him for about 3-4 hours a day at work? (Yes, they work together.) How can I make him "look" at me more?
I'm working on creating a comfortable environment at home and just around me. I'm sweeping up the eggshells if you will. I know that's a must, but does anyone have some extra advice? I have def. GALed. I'm very happy and proud of that. I've gotten professional help to deal with some of my issues that contributed to my H's desire to seek other relationships. I know I had a hand in it and I'm sorry for it--and working on it. I guess my big hope is that she just moves away since this town is not home for her and her BF lives about 2 or so hours away back where she is from. But I can't bank on that and I need to keep fighting....but I feel more and more that he really may be done. I'm hanging on to hope because he is around so much and we have absolutely 0 issues in the bedroom. He tells me often I am desireable. So I hope/think that helps. Plus we do have a child between us.
How do I fight/compete against his feelings for her? The attention he gives her? And what can be done about all the mouth running he's been doing? We both have fairly high profiles in this community and I fear it may be starting to get around.
