If you believe in the M and you can be patient while doing the work on yourself, then you know that's the right thing to do. Trust your gut.
And if friends aren't feeling as optimistic, well, maybe it'd be best to not discuss your M with them and stick to other topics. Show them you're doing OK, taking care of yourself but not ready to give up. They should respect your position, especially if you convey confidence in it.
I think it's also kick-A that you're renting that big truck and moving yourself!! Intimidating? Of course!! But you can do it!! If there's time, maybe you could create a road trip music mix for your road trip... full of 'taking back control of my life' type music, girl-power stuff...
I am feeling rather sad today. I'm tired from all the lifting & packing & am nervous about the coming week. I am so exhausted packing that the thought of UNPacking & then sorting it once I get there - is enough to bring out the waterworks!
It's been a week since I last spoke with my H. And damn, I am missing him tonight. I know he is not going to initiate any contact & I am praying tonight for some patience. I keep thinking to myself so many negative thoughts @ our R. Not useful in any way & yet, the negativity is just enveloping me today. Maybe cuz I decided to Not attend a family wedding & today I was writing out a card & a check for them & signed it from both of us.....it just....I don't know....
I think I am going to go watch some tv....I need a distraction.
Know what the best thing about being the only one who has a key to your apartment is?????
You don't have to unpack everything right away... heck you can take weeks (except for the soap and towels, you're going to want those).
Ups and downs Orchid, sorry your on the down side but tomorrow will be better ..unless you found a killer movie on TV then it may be getting better already.
Life can get pretty daunting during this. I still struggle a lot. Of course I think I make my situation worse than it needs to be but it is tough being in different place than where we thought we would be, but you sound like you are on the right path!
Sorry you were having a down day yesterday, I guess we just have to remind ourselves that the good days will come with the bad days. Its all a mixture of highs and lows. Give yourself a break and try to get back into things tomorrow. Moving is right up there with the top most stressful things in life so just try to break the things you need to do down and dont let it overwhelm you. After all that packing I'm sure you have earned yourself a good break anyway so try to chill out with something nice and relaxing after a busy day packing and sorting.
Hope things are starting to look up by today
Me-27 H-28 M-2.5 yrs T-8.5 yrs No kids B 1/09 S 2/09
I ended up just browsing the Internet & then went to sleep. Today was ultra busy & I'm feeling under the weather ...... So the day has just wizzed by. At 1:30pm or so H called. I saw it was him & panicked! Why was he calling, there is nothing to discuss... I felt unprepared & so just didn't pick up. He left a voicemail & said he was just calling to see how I was doing....& that he will call me again later.
He's probably worried about me moving. I want to call him but I don't know what to say. I feel like I'm not in a good enough of a mood to talk to him. I'm not weepy or anything but just very tired! I just so don't want to exhaust myself more.
It's scary that I feel this exhausted & I am responding by not wanting to talk to him!!! How will I keep up with him & our M after I start work & I am just exhausted then?
Yup, I was right. H called today bc he is worrying about me driving the truck. Finally I said "do u have a better idea?" he said no. And so we just sort of had this awkward silence. And then hung up. A very awkward 10 minutes.
This is really not good cuz he is worried but still doesn't want to do anything about it. He is on purpose shutting himself off of me. I don't know what to do. Of course on the other hand, there is nothing I can do.
I haven't been here in awhile, just wanted to write and say hello. I know that moving is just one more stressful event on top of your already stressful situation. I know how you feel. You will feel good some days, and other days, you'll feel lot of anger and resentment. I am going through those feelings, and it is a normal part of the healing process. I started reading a book, "Creative Visualization" by Shakti Gawain. It has inspired me to try meditation, and use mental imagery and affirmations to produce positive personal changes. It is an easy-reading book, I read it in a couple of hours. You might find it helpful to you.
Hang in there!
Me: 48 H: 47 M: 16 years Separated: 4/24/09 3 cats, no kids My Story
Tell him your fine and not to worry... women can do most anything as well as a man (lets not dicuss the open ended part of that statement).
The thing to remember is you can drive that truck probably better. You won't think to yourself. "I think I can beat that train to the tracks in a rental truck" and if you get lost you have no male ego that prevents you from asking for directions.
hang in there Orchid. If he is calling then somewhere he cares. Worrying is caring, it is a small start and that's what the book says recognize. Keep focusing on you and your life, don't let it get you down! I know a lot of people that would never have the courage to do what you have done so far!
Well I just accidentally blogged on hopeful_cb 's blog.... I don't know where my head is today!
But, thank you for the boost in confidence! It is true....no male ego to slow me down! Ha!
I was thinking about what u said @ me having gotten this far ..... Not really sure what I have accomplished yet. It seems to me I am further away from stability than ever! It's what I have always been searching for - the main difference is that in this past 5 weeks now , I have realized that no other person can give me the stability I need. I need to create that myself for myself! This cannot involve anyone else. I guess that is something.
The feeling I am working on now is that ....,," I am lagging behind." I am the oldest in my family & yet both my siblings & all my cousins are married, settled in their marriages, most have children, & all have their careers. I am finally starting my career - only to lose my M!
Life is seriously Ironic.,,,just like Alanis song! Ha! Ok, time for me to get some sleep! I pick up my truck tomorrow morning at 10am!
