WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 10

[MrBond]

I don't doubt that she was hurt in the past, but there comes a point where if you want to grow and move on as an ADULT, then you learn how to forgive. Period.

Not only is she not dealing with her hurt herself, she calls you to remind you how much you hurt her. That's not dealing with it. That's just projecting her undealt feelings onto you.

That stuff about you growing emotionally distant over time is what everyone goes through. It's called marriage. It happens to even the best couples.

Don't continue to beat yourself over it. You're still hanging onto the fact that she doesn't believe in YOUR changes because she keeps telling you that. It shouldn't matter what she thinks. You know they're real, that's all that matters. When she keeps hitting you with that fact, just shrug your shoulders and say "I know they're real" and end it.

She comes up with new excuses/reasons why she hasn't gone to therapy or C. It seems like she prefers to blame everything on you and not take any responsibility. Just remember, it takes two. She might have tried to give you "hints" in the past, but let's face it - women don't understand men as much as men don't understand women. We actually had to learn that going through our own messes.

It's like my W. She keeps telling me that she has low self-esteem. so her solution is to dump her old life which she believes was a mistake and start a new one alone. WTH? When you have low self-esteem, you build on what you have and grow stronger, not tear everything down and start with nothing. That's a typical MLC response.

You have got to stop living in the past like your W. She is keeping you there. Do you believe you are a stronger and better person than before? If so, then great! You know that and that's all that matters.

Let her stay in the past if she wants to. You can't make her budge from it. Still be nice to her, invite her to things if you wish (just not to everything). Maybe (very lightly) flirt with her to keep things light since she wants you to "pursue" her, just not overdo it.