It isn't easy... for me (and others like Puppy) it was a lot easier when the WS basically acted arrogant/entitled toward us in their conduct of the A. Generally, a WS will react extremely defensively, lie, i.e. gaslight, and will basically try to make you feel as though you are at fault.
Taking responsibility for your part in the M breakdown does not mean that you take responsibility for your spouse's decision to conduct an A. Basically - you need to create distance between yourself and your spouse emotionally so that you can view their actions dispassionately as possible.
Easier said than done - but basically the trick is learning to respect yourself and identifying what you will and will not tolerate - as well as understanding what you deserve from your spouse.
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
