he was back, i think

[kissak]

and it stuck out to me that i am basically in the same position as last year, where we were on the brink of this legal process, me hoping he was changing his mind, he was changing his mind. and here i am. still.

and there were my friends, feeling bad, treating me to dinner, buying me gifts.

and here they are again, almost like deja vu.

it stuck out to me that im almost on a pause button, my life hasnt changed, just on hold, while the world goes on, and im another year older.

and i know, in the back of my head, if i linger around with him, next year's birthday will be the same thing, i will be in the same position.

i see it, i get it, im just not ready to let go yet.

i will try, but im not mentally ready.

I feel like Im stuck in the same place as well. No one can tell you when to let go though. You will do it when you feel ready. I know Im not ready yet. Maybe because I still feel there is some hope. Your doing good. Just keep taking it one day at a time.