As such I am somewhat relieved that you will at the very least be saved. It is your H's loss, big time.
I agree with this whole heartedly.
((((((Yoyo)))))) You are in my thoughts and prayers.
JAK
I'll say a bit more on this... If I compare what I have heard from wayward spouses, including my own, they will say they have to divorce their spouse "in order to be able to save themselves". My xW has often said this, that she had to separate from me and divorce me in order to be able to "save herself" (even saying she would have "died" if she stayed in our M.) And it disturbs me greatly to now hear my brother's W saying some of these same things as she and he prepare to end their M.
The difference here is that statement presupposes that the WAS has really and truly given themselves to their spouse and to their M -- which is a notion I would challenge. I have come to realize that my own spouse never really gave herself fully and truly to our M, so her statements about "saving herself" were just hollow platitudes. In most of these cases it stems from an all too pervasive sense of misplaced, unjustifiable entitlement.
But in your case, Yoyo, you have most certainly given your M and your family your absolute all. You have given your H and your M every reasonable chance to recover -- and some. Many could argue you have gone not only above and beyond, but too far at times.
So I think I am safe to say that yours is the exception that proves the rule, and that again while I hate it that your M is likely to be yet another casualty, your H's continual recalcitrant behavior makes it plain to all that you cannot save your M. You can't do this on your own.
As stridently pro-M as I am, it says something for me to support your decision to end your M. I think it best to cut your losses where H is concerned and save yourself -- you really and honestly do have a justification, both ethically and spiritually, for allowing your M to end.
We love you, Yoyo. You need not go down with this sinking ship. We now want you to save yourself and your DD's.
