Unfortunately, I see a lot of similiarities in your Sitch w mine and my X. YOU cant force someone to CHANGE or WORK on themselves. YOU CANT force someone to FORGIVE. We all have FREE WILL. Until she chooses to FORGIVE and MOVE ON for herself she will be STUCK. I DONT see her doing this for awhile. She is still in DENIAL. She is living in a fantasy world. I think it's time you wake her up. I think you should write her a letter saying everything you just said. Stress how you were BLIND and DIDNT GET IT. Then say, but you understand her feelings and how you cant have a future together if she doesnt TRUST YOU and work towards FORGIVENESS. I think it's time you called her bluff and be prepared for it to go all the way which doesnt mean you won't end up together. I just dont see her making any movements either way while "stuck" in her holding pattern.
I could be completely wrong and may be told Im stupid for suggesting it, but I cant stop how I feel after following this story from the beginning. Like I said I can relate to a lot of the same issues. Although, my WAXW had an OM that she never even admitted that was just a close friend. Even though they are now outwardly dating after our D. Hopefully, you are NOT dealing w an OM, but you might still be surprised later in one form or another.
PATIENCE is definitely a virture and requirement when in DB mode.
But I dont see time being a factor with her in her current "stuck" mindset. She might want you to FIGHT for her. Like Sandi said, she's not exhibiting the "typical" WAS behavior. I could be wrong and she might eventually come around in a year or so, but I dont see her working on her FORGIVENESS and TRUST issues. Until she does then nothing CAN HAPPEN.
