I am not convinced it is a mental illness either in the true sense of the word. My x completely changed especially in regard to just abandonning his kids.(7 years before he tried to seek them out.)
He did the sports car,(yes it was red) gym, new clothes etc, spent loads of money and got himself a OW, BUT he kept down a demanding job and even managed to get himself head hunted and pass all the tests, so...
The only explanantion I got was "he wanted a new life and as the kids were grown he thought they had new lives too and he hoped in time I would make a new life, but he knew how hard it would be for me"
Yes I know and have read lots about compartmentalisation ! even so mental illness I am not sure. I so wanted to believe it, to keep the hope alive but I knew he had always had a selfish streak so eventually I gave up with the idea that this was an illness that he could recover from.
8 years on he seems to be ok with his choices, got himself the new life, married the ow and as far as I know (which is very very little) his life is great. I knew him from age 5 until he was 50+ so know all his childhood, family, friends etc, so no deep rooted issues that I could see. He just moved on, outgrew us all.
