I'm not the best DBer, so take my feedback with caution. My opinion from what I read is that you're doing a pretty good job overall. There will be ups and downs and backslides.
The fact that your W is still hurt and angry and still contacts you from time to time is somewhat positive. It's also positive that she doesn't have an OM in her life.
I'm still living with my W, but she has told me that she wants to be with someone else (she actually works with OM in same dept). We basically live like roommates now, but still sleep in the same bed and give each other a kiss before going to work (basically a routine, but it's hard for me to give up the kiss before we leave). I write this because I think it is easier for someone (I could be wrong) to reconcile when there isn't an OM or OW involved.
My W said the same thing: she tried and tried and tried and now she has given up all hope -- similar to your W's flower analogy. In my situation, my W truly believes that I never had strong feelings for her as she did for me and this was the reason why she didn't feel "loved" by me. She does feel loved by the OM though.
Anyway, I just wanted to encourage you keep on trying and keep on DBing... I've learned that each situation is different and sometimes it's okay to go a little "off track" from time to time. I'm having some big problems on detaching, so I know what you're going through...
Me:41 W: 36 No Kids
EA&PA: JUL08-OCT08 & MAY09-fwd
W said we may not make it: JAN09 W said she doesn't want R: 5/8/09,6/5/09,7/19/09 Moved out: 7/31/09
