he was back, i think

[mdoodles]

thanks fighting fit. u are right.

im reading a terrific novel, split. by suzanne finnemore.

its her story of her divorce.

there are so many messages in it, so much we can all relate to.

she points out that when u have made a child together, u really are bonded forever, that a divorce cant break that.

my friends tell me i will be fine, to start meeting people next month already.

i just dont know.

but when i was out for dinner last night, we all remembered go out last year for my birthday.

and it stuck out to me that i am basically in the same position as last year, where we were on the brink of this legal process, me hoping he was changing his mind, he was changing his mind. and here i am. still.

and there were my friends, feeling bad, treating me to dinner, buying me gifts.

and here they are again, almost like deja vu.

it stuck out to me that im almost on a pause button, my life hasnt changed, just on hold, while the world goes on, and im another year older.

and i know, in the back of my head, if i linger around with him, next year's birthday will be the same thing, i will be in the same position.

i see it, i get it, im just not ready to let go yet.

i will try, but im not mentally ready.