I dont know - im fast approaching 3 years (my birthday, sept 20). I STILL DONT KNOW if I am DONE.

I wouldnt be too fast and hard with saying you know when your done. I know I am done MOST DAYS, and the only reason im here is to potentially comfort some poeople - and WORK OUT that I am 'done'.

if it was a really long M and it was mostly a really good one, I think the notion of "am I done" might never really happen as such. I read somewhere (and it depressed me) that "in a long term marriage, there is no such thing as a 'divorce'. you always remain married to them, both the leaver and the one left, in one sense or another - you loved each other in your youth; you saw one another grow up - and you had children together. can two such as that ever really 'divorce' in their hearts?'

so nope I am not 'done'. but I am ready to tell HIM I am done, bc I think that day WILL come - for my OWN GOOD. it will be partially a lie; im not going to stop loving that boy I knew when he was just 19, forever.

But I am finally, finally, teetering on the edge of deciding to be done, for so many more reasons than 'the marriage'. for reasons such as ME, for such as my KIDS, for such as the fact he damaged what 'was' beyond repair, now. you cannot always fix what was broken - sometimes time does so much damage you have to decide, even tho this is DEEPLY important to me - I am going to choose to FINALLY walk away.

its a new found midlife maturity for me. Its not that pleasant. but its not as awful as going thru all the trauma was either. its more just... sad. like... its like a death. its like putting someone you love, in the ground, and knowing you wont ever see them or speak to them again. thats exactly waht its like. When that happens you cant ever say you "accepted" the death. you never ONCE did. you cant ever say you were "fine" with it or OK. in fact you will never be ok again, you lost this really important person, this amazing love.

but you just have to get to a point where you know, this is reality and just as you cannot breathe life into a corpse, you cannot breathe life into your marriage, long dead.

I dont wish it on anyone and I want nothing but happy endings for all; it helps me negates my own grief; but I can help people who it is happening to, and I do have that

xoxoxo

When you're down to nothing, God is up to something.